The hidden gems of Penn's food trucks

When most kids are growing up their parents tell them they can be anything they set their minds to... astronaut, baseball player, fireman, possibly even a man whore (if they choose to dream so big and reach for the stars). My parents were different. When I was growing up, they actually sequentially shot down my dreams one by one... shark biologist, snake wrangler, professional bass fisherman, and my favorite - professional eater. There was one additional occupation they said I wasn't allowed to pursue that was a bit weird. It was finance. You might be wondering why Asian parents would want to stop their son from pursuing something as lucrative as banking? They said I was too good with computers, so when combined with the fact that I was a greedy little asshole, they somehow came to the conclusion that I would launder money. Flawless logic. What's the point of this little side story explaining why I am not pursuing a career of finance? Well, long story short... they were (partially) right. I am a greedy motherfucker. That shit applies to all facets of life, especially food.

Again, what exactly does this have to do with food trucks at Penn? Let me explain - I've written about Kim's before. They're my go to food truck 1) because I'm Chinese and I like Chinese food 2) their stuff is cheap as hell and 3) they get your order done within 10 minutes regardless of the size of the crowd present. Awesome truck is awesome right? Wrong. Halfway through the year, they arbitrarily increased pricing across their entire menu. Grandfather chicken that used to be $4 was now $4.50... mapo tofu that was $3.50 was now an astronomical $4.25! WHAT IS THIS SHIT? You probably think I'm some sort of asshat for getting pissed about 50 cent price hikes. Well guess what? I'm cheap, this kind of stuff isn't kosher with me. What was I to do? Give into their price gouging?! No. Gotta look for the hidden gems on the menu.



A few months ago, I examined the subtle differences between grandfather chicken and General Tso's chicken. My conclusion was that there was none. I want to make a corollary to my theory of Chinese food truck fried chicken: chili chicken is the exact same thing as grandfather chicken and General Tso's chicken, but with a single chili pepper broken into it. This might seem like an insignificant observation to the casual visitor, but to a food truck connoisseur, like myself, you'll notice an interesting tidbit with regards to pricing. Grandfather chicken costs $4.50, but chili chicken costs $4. That, my friends, is where fortunes are made. I'm saving 50 cents per transaction. Obsessive? Maybe. Insignificant? Probably, but I feel like I've won.



Then there's the "Oriental Beef" (牛腩飯) on their menu. It's mostly ordered by the Asian kids, because they know what's up. Actually, I rarely ever hear this being ordered in English. It also costs $5. A full 25% more than the chili chicken. Why? Because it's entirely sensual. The crown jewel of their menu. Basically they take beef that's chock full of tendon, stew it for a hella long time with carrots and mushrooms, and serve it with broccoli and cabbage over rice. I realize that probably sounds like it smells and tastes awful, but it doesn't. I swear (although I also find the pungency of stinky tofu to be quite arousing, so take that for what it's worth). Added bonus? Because they have to prep it well in advance, it's one of the few dishes that gets done immediately. Literally zero wait time. You don't have to take my word for it, but if you go too late in the day, it's usually sold out. All those Chinese people can't be wrong. Or maybe we all just like eating things that smell funny.



But wait! I also eat other things aside from Chinese food. Like burritos. Probably the best burritos I've had in my life. I wrote about Don Memo's torta and tacos before, but not their burrito. Know why? Because I don't want people fucking up the price structure and adding to the already kind of ridiculous wait. Another truck that's guilty of raising prices mid-year, their burrito pricing has held steady at $7. What you get for $7 is totally a steal from a value standpoint. Their burritos are about 8" in length, which doesn't sound that impressive, but - like Gary Oak - you can't ignore its girth, which sits at 3" in diameter. Weighing in at well over half a pound (yes I broke out a digital scale for this shit), it's a simple combination of grilled meat, seasoned rice, black beans, tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, cilantro, onions, and of course... unknown white sauce. I don't often spend $7 on a meal, but when I do... I prefer Tacos Don Memo's burrito.

As for why I've waited until now to make this post? Since I only have a month left (and all those grubby undergrads are finally gone from campus), I feel a bit better about sharing these things. I've never been very good at the whole econ side of things, but like I said - in my mind, increased demand means increased likelihood of raised prices. Increased demand also means longer wait times. I don't want to deal with that nonsense. "Time is money" they say. I don't have time to waste waiting for food and I surely don't want to be paying more for it.
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Taiwanese pork chops and fried chicken (便當 Bian Dang Truck)

I bet you thought that I'd lost interest in writing about Chinese food that comes from trucks since I haven't done it in forever. HA were you wrong! My favorite kinds of food are Asian foods, and the best foods always come from trucks. Fact. Luckily for me, the 便當 Bian Dang Truck combines both of those things. Their niche? They make "traditional" Taiwanese bento boxes from which you can choose either pork chop, fried chicken, fishcake, or several other appetizers my forefathers often delighted in like 粽子 (zong zi). Basically they have several things going for them... the nostalgia factor, the fact that they make food from the Orient, and the fact that they do it all from the back of a flamboyantly colored truck (the greatest kind of coloring). Basically this is a truck that fries pigs and chickens and puts it over rice. In theory, this truck is packing so much win. When I caught wind that they were selling their pork chop and fried chicken dishes for $5 one week, I felt obligated to at least try it.



The menu! Again, The main things are the fried chicken leg and the pork chop over rice. They have 甜不辣 (tian bu la) too, but after trying it at Food Gallery 32... let me safely say that it tastes like crap. Do you know why people don't eat erasers? Because they don't taste good. That is basically what you're eating, an eraser that is brushed with oil and reheated in a microwave. If that sounds good to you, more power to ya! Get the fishcake. Otherwise, steer clear. The rest of the menu is pretty conservative in terms of Taiwanese fare. Sorry, I'll never be able to tell you how the 滷肉飯 (minced pork over rice) is solely based on principle. A dish that costs 60 cents in Taiwan should not cost $4. I don't care if it's NYC, that just doesn't gel with me.



Ah yes, the special of the week and the star of the menu. The pork chop over rice. There's not much to complain about in the base of this delicious construction. The rice is cooked properly, and when combined with the pork sauce/pickled veggie mix... well, it's awesome. There's not much to say about that. The pork chop is no slouch either, not the deep-fried kind you'll find at Hua Ji, 便當 Bian Dang Truck's version is tender, juicy, and slathered with a subtle yet noticeably sweet thick soy sauce marinade. Cooked long enough for the meat to separate easily from the bone, but short enough to maintain structural integrity, these guys know how to cook their pigs. At $5, I liked it enough to change my clothes, go back, and circumvent their whole "ONE DEAL PER CUSTOMER" nonsense. Yep, the stupid things I do for food.



Everyone knows that meals that consist of multiple types of meats are the best kinds of meals. Turducken, bacon chicken narwhals, McDonald's McNuggets (god knows what goes into those...). The Bian Dang Truck also serves something not listed on their menu known as "Porken." You're probably wondering... "what is this shit, and why isn't on the menu?" Well, it's basically a combination of their two most popular dishes, the fried chicken and the pork chop. Starting with a pillow-y soft bed of white rice, you drizzle on a heap of pork sauce and pickled vegetables, then you get half-a-piece of the fried chicken and half-a-piece of the pork chop... all for $8 (note: this deal used to be so much better when they'd give you the whole pork chop/chicken). Admittedly, it's not that great. The pork chop is definitely good (as it should be), and I've never met a bowl of rice w/pork sauce I didn't like, but the fried chicken was just... meh. It was crispy, but it was also flavorless and sort of dry. Add in the fact that the portion size to cost ratio isn't even close to that of other places in Chinatown, and I was a little bit let down. It's like eating an Entenmann's donut for the price of Doughnut Plant. I enjoyed eating it, I just wished I paid less for it.

Anyway... I'm not sure how to feel about the 便當 Bian Dang Truck. I think it's pimp that Taiwanese food is getting well deserved attention in NYC, and for sure they make a rockin' pork chop, but I really can't agree with the pricing structure (at regular price). I can understand that things in Manhattan naturally cost more, but man... I'd go back all the time if they toned back their prices just a bit. Also, they need to fix their fishcake. That shit is wack.
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Over-sized macarons (Sugar Philly Truck)

I don't normally like dessert food trucks . I tend to find that they're just rolling excuses to charge more for the same things I can get in bakeries (I hate you soooo much Treats Truck). You start shuffling goods from the back of a truck and all of a sudden it becomes okay to charge $2 for a mini-cupcake? No. That's fucked up and counterintuitive to me. If food comes out of a truck... it should be super cheap and of questionable origins (this second point is key). For one reason or another, as I passed by the Sugar Philly Truck one day, I noticed their sign that said 3 macarons for $2. While that's not cheap, it's also not stupid expensive like some of the boutique-ish shops in NYC. Three it was. Chocolate ganache, sesame, and tiramisu.



I went to pay and handed over my $2. I was about to set off in a merry skip (or possibly frolic) when I was greeted with a look of confusion. Apparently, dyslexia got the better of me. The macarons were 2 for $3. Fuck. In my head, I didn't want them anymore - why in the world would I pay $1.50 per cookie? - but I smiled sheepishly and supplemented an additional $2.50. Why didn't I just say I didn't want them? Because I am powerless against cute Asian girls who hand me desserts. Sigh.



As I shoved each in my mouth (tiramisu, sesame, and chocolate ganache... in that order), my anger/annoyance slowly melted away. Someone commented that they weren't filled very well and looked sad. This is true. The filling is not spread out very well, but it's not because they're trying to rip you off. Standard macarons are roughly the size of Oreos. These are just under 2" in diameter... meaning they're twice as large based on pure surface area, and four times as large volumetrically. So really, from a value standpoint... it's not all that bad after all. As for how they taste? Like a unicorn pissing rainbows in your mouth. Yep, that's a good thing. Of note is the sesame, which is really just like eating 湯圓 (tang yuan) in cookie form... one that melts on your tongue. Despite the shitty construction, these things are alright in my book. Plus the girl at the truck is cute. That's a plus too. /creep
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Korean-Vietnamese tacos and sandwiches (Tyson Bees)

When someone first suggested I go to Tyson Bees food truck for some Korean tacos, I was really confused. The first thing I think of when someone says the name Tyson is usually Mike... or the chicken company. After purging my brain of the idea of Mike Tyson taking my order, handcrafting Korean tacos, and then taking a bite out of my ear... I did some research on this truck. As it turns out, a former Iron Chef contestant by the name of Tyson Wong Ophaso decided to try his hand at a food truck based on Asian-fusion. Korean-Vietnamese-Mexican flavors. Can't get more serious than that. I mean... the flavor combinations can definitely work together (bulgogi cheesesteak anyone?), but it's also been screwed up a lot. Color me skeptical.



First things first... their truck. It is baller as fuck (hey that rhymes!). I'm not entirely sure where Tyson came up with the whole bee theme, but whatever. It's his truck. He can do whatever he wants with it. If I made a truck, it would be plastered with action shots of Kevin Durant and Godzilla. It would also be awesome, but that's not the point. The point is, when all the other trucks go rolling around the Penn campus looking all crappy and the like, Tyson is ridin' dirty in his flamboyantly fluorescent truck plastered with cute bees and hearts. Also, that blue thing looks like it's licking someone's butt. Like a boss.



I actually did not get tacos. Korean tacos has gotten so played out over the past few months that it's not even fresh anymore. Everyone and their grandmother is in the Korean taco game. Instead, I tried their "Grilled BBQ Lemongrass Pork Banh Mi." At $5, it's more expensive than most of the banh mi you could get in Manhattan's Chinatown, but goddamn was it tasty. Sweet bbq pork is accented with the crisp flavor of cilantro and just a hint of lemongrass. My only gripe would be that they give you too much pork and not enough bun since the bread kind of falls apart. Seriously though, that's not much of a complaint... I would never tell a food truck to give me less meat. That's just stupid.



I also got a Korean kalbi and kimchi burrito, because my ass... it is not fat enough yet. Yeah I took a bite of it to take a picture, what of it? Anyway, it is what it is. It is stuffed with marinated beef short ribs (and yes, they are juicy and flavorful), kimchi, lettuce, and rice. Super simple construction, but the final product definitely surpasses the sum of its parts. Not too spicy, which was somewhat disappointing, but pungent indeed. Also costing $5, I would get it again. At first I thought it was a tad expensive for the size, since I was left wanting, but I realized that somethings are worth the price. This is one of those things.
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Kim's Dragon (a.k.a. why I feel bad for Drexel students)

Sorry Drexel kids, the truth hurts, but I'm just gonna put this one out there... your Chinese food trucks... they suck. Forreals. I like to consider myself a connoisseur of fine dining, by which of course I mean mobile kitchens that serve food of Asian origins, and I spend a fair amount of time trying out each of them, noting the subtle nuances that make each one special (for instance... like gratuitous usage of MSG). After exhausting the options available on Penn's campus, going from "Le Anh's" all the way to "The Real Le Anh's," I expanded my horizons and set out to explore Drexel's offerings. My process was simple, I picked the cart with the longest line of Asian people which happened to be Kim's Dragon (Not to be confused with Kim's Oriental... which actually makes me wonder how many people named Kim are going to open Chinese food trucks?).

First thing... the people in the truck aren't even Chinese (I tried ordering in Mandarin and was greeted with blank stares). That's not really something I can hold against anyone, since some of the best tacos I've had were made by Chinese people, and some of the best General Tso's I've had were made by Mexican people, but it just felt... unauthentic? Secondly, the wait time is absurd compared to Kim's Oriental, what would've taken 5 minutes there took more than 15 here. Efficiency fail.

The beef w/broccoli wasn't actually awful, but it also wasn't the dish you'd normally think of. The beef was a tad overcooked, but coming from the back of a truck, it's something I'm willing to overlook. The sauce however, wasn't the standard oil-laden soy sauce affair I've come to know and love. Their rendition was cloyingly sweet, clearly doused in sugar. Like I said, it wasn't awful, in fact, the penetration of the sweet sauce actually made for some damn good broccoli, but it clearly wasn't what I expected to get. It's a $4 experiment that I probably won't try again.



I also ordered a beef chow fun since I had a jonesing for noodles pretty badly. It's a hard dish to fuck up, in my opinion. It's basically soy sauce, a lot of oil, noodles, and beef... stir fry them together. Yet somehow, they did. Catastrophically. Sure they got most of the components in there, the rice noodles, the beef, and even the bean sprouts, but why in the hell is there broccoli... and a single string bean pod? That's not beef chow fun, that's what my mom does when she's cleaning her fridge... throwing random shit together and stir frying them. Then I thought... maybe looks are deceptive. Maybe this dish is spectacular in every way, and that broccoli and a single string bean pod added to beef chow fun was the next big thing!



Nope. That didn't happen. This was the blandest $4.50 I've ever spent. After disposing of the extraneous broccoli and single string bean pod, I went to town on the noodles, which were dry, stuck together, and were cooked with 沙茶醬 a.k.a. "Chinese bbq sauce." That's not what beef chow fun is about... at all. If you're unfamiliar with the sauce I'm talking it about, it's normally used to make dipping sauce for hot pot, not for stir frying noodles. Nice going Kim's Dragon, you failed at one of the simplest noodle dishes known to man. All you had to do was make oily noodles and add some beef to it, but you fucked it up good. Nice. To add insult to injury, the portion sizing... is kind of inadequate compared to Yue Kee or the other Kim's.

Someone actually suggested that it was 'the best Chinese food in the city.' Not only is this an exaggeration gone astray, but it's downright silly (Chinatown is outraged). If they're not even the best Chinese food within a 5 block radius, how can it be the best in Philadelphia? Sorry Drexel, but if this is the best you can muster, I think I'll stick to my Kim's... the Oriental one. PS - It has Chinese people in it.
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Beef bulgogi cheesesteak (Koja)

You might be thinking that this post looks kind of familiar. That's probably because I previously wrote about the spicy pork bulgogi cheesesteak at the beginning of the year. To refresh your memory, it's the simple combination of hoagie roll, melted cheese, onions, peppers, and ass-numbingly spicy pork, all of which is drenched in a sweet and spicy sauce made from gochujang. Oh yes... it is a sandwich I love dearly, but at the same time, fear and respect. As a good friend of mine once said, as spicy as it is... the amount of enjoyment you get from having one is completely negated by the amount of discomfort on exit. I'm pretty sure he's just being a wuss, but if a fiery rectum is not so high on your list of 'likes,' let me present you with a more mild alternative... the beef bulgogi cheesesteak.



Bulgogi should be done with beef to begin with, so if anything, this is more 'authentic' than the spicy pork version... as authentic as a Korean cheesesteak can be anyway. The formula is more or less the same. You take bread, you melt cheese, you grill onions and peppers, but this time... stuff the crap out of it with thinly sliced beef, marinated in a sweet concoction of sugar and soy sauce. Drizzle some sesame seeds all over that bitch and you got yourself a beef bulgogi cheesesteak. Most of the things that made the spicy pork version awesome are still present in the beef version. The peppers and onion provide a certain natural sweetness, while adding a crunchy nuance to the texture. The cheese is fully melted and becomes the backdrop to the main attraction... which is of course the meat. The beef comes off the griddle literally dripping with juices. The fantastic combination of marinate and oil then soaks into the roll, leaving you with a greasy mess of sweet and savory brilliance.

Do I like it better than the spicy pork version? Not sure. They're too different to choose one over the other. One is an exercise in masochism, stimulating your taste buds and digestive system in a way they've never been violated before, while the other is just... plain pleasant. The great thing is, at $3, I don't have to make that choice. I can switch it up as much as I want. I could even... gasp get both for one meal. Crazies.
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Ox tails, why are they so delicious? (Denise's Soul Food Truck)

Sorry to all my Hindu readers (if there are any), but to me, this pretty much explains why cows were put on earth. Oxen tails... they are good eatin'. I also want to apologize to anyone who actually listened to me and went to Gigi's for their ox tail platter... I'm sorry. I mean, everything I wrote there is still mostly true. The jerk chicken is spicy beyond all belief, the mac and cheese is pretty damn good when drizzled with hot sauce, but let me retract one thing... the ox tail platter there isn't phenomenal. When compared with the platter at Denise's, it seems downright pedestrian.

I had written that Gigi's interpretation wasn't exactly what I was expecting. I had dreams of tender beef that would peel off without much effort, but was greeted with chunks of beef joined by connective tissue. Well in Denise's platter, the beef is spot on with my original expectations. The meat comes off with some light prodding using a crappy plastic fork. The connective tissue is still fantastically springy and... connective? Hrm, I fail at describing this... maybe a picture will help!



So tender... so soft... so intertwined with fat! Forreals, the flavor of the ox tail here is head and shoulders above that at Gigi's. With just the perfect amount of seasoning, the taste didn't overpower the textural delicacies. What do I mean by that? Normally, my mind (as simple as it is) can only focus on one thing at once, either how something tastes, or if the texture of something appeals to me. In this case, it was like I almost forgot I was eating. The magical substance in my mouth melted into a symphony of brilliant deliciousness. I wasn't concerned with how it felt, and I wasn't concerned with how it tasted, I just knew that it was awesome... and I was having it. I bet I had a creepy-ass smile on my face when I was eating it.



Now despite the sheer awesomeness of the food, I still tend to think with my wallet. At $9 for the 'small' platter (has anyone ever ordered the large? I wanna see it), it's definitely not cheap (I mean, I rationalize this as being equivalent to two orders of grandfather chicken and some hot and sour soup), but it's so much freakin' food! Close to two pounds of food. In case you're wondering, yes, I used a scale out of curiosity. The rice and beans were pretty standard, no better or worse than Gigi's, and the mac and cheese was also just... average, but since the ox tail is delicious beyond my feeble descriptions, it's not all that bad a deal. Would I get it all the time? Probably not. Is it worth splurging on once in a while? Fuck yeah.
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Jimmy's Sister (Pyramid Pizza)

Some things I recently learned about food carts after going to the row at Drexel: there are actually two Gigi's Caribbean carts, there are two George's Lunch trucks, and you can get sandwiches filled with mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, fries, and chopped cheesesteak. Love. Clearly ripping off the idea created by the Rutger's 'Grease Trucks,' one of the carts, called Pyramid Pizza, has a full menu of sandwiches in which he puts things that are bad for you together inside of bread (all coming in at under $5). What a guy... he's out to kill me, and at a reasonable price too!

Instead of following the regular naming convention of 'Fat + name' he decides to make his creations part of a family. Of course you have the father, the 'Big Fat Jimmy,' but then you also get the rest of his dysfunctional family... Jimmy's Sister, Jimmy's Wife, Jimmy's Brother, and probably a few more relatives I'm forgetting.



My choice was obvious. Jimmy's Sister looked easy... too easy. She also had the most to offer in the family. A beautiful 10" hoagie filled with all of the above ingredients, she was the crown jewel of the menu. At $4, you get a sandwich packed full of artery clogging components. Yes, the mozzarella sticks, the chicken fingers, the french fries, and the chopped steak are all reheated from the frozen variety, and it's true the cheese is probably not of the finest quality, but that's to be expected. This thing isn't supposed to be good for you, it's just supposed to make you feel good (and then bad).



Arrrrgggghhhhh~. This is the sound my heart makes when I shove bite after bite of trans-fats down the throat. It's actually curiously interesting... this sandwich is nothing really special, but once that first bite of melted cheese, marinara, fried chicken tenders, and cheesesteak hits your taste buds, you can't help but continue wolfing down the remainder. It's like you're mind is programmed to think 'this is bad for me... it must be delicious,' completely disregarding your personal health in the process.



To be honest, I don't really remember too many distinct flavors in this sandwich. Everything just kind of melds together to form a homogeneous taste profile in your mouth. If you made me describe it in 3 words or less... I would probably say it tastes like 'fried,' 'cheese,' and 'fatty.' Would I say it's one of the best sandwiches I've ever had? Probably not. Would I say that it's fucking awesome and deserves to be tried by anyone who's not a health nut? Hell yes.
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General Tso's chicken cheesesteak

Many a moons ago, some guy... whose culinary acumen puts all the iron chefs' combined to shame, made what might be the greatest single sandwich in existence. The General Tso's chicken cheesesteak. By combining a plain cheesesteak, which by itself is already fantastic, with General Tso's chicken, perhaps the single worthwhile product of the bastardization of Chinese food, he created a love child of heartburn and sinful deliciousness. It is indeed a sandwich of pure magnificence. But for some reason, it never caught on... for shame. Inspired by his innovation and boldness (and possibly by overwhelming boredom), I set out to replicate his experiment, to see if it actually tasted good... in real life, and not just in theory.



General Tso's chicken sourced from Kim's Oriental. I debated going with grandfather chicken (from which I've been told by several people has a thinner sauce, but tastes pretty much the same), but I figured in the interest of amplifying the flavor, that more sauce would be better. Their General Tso's probably isn't anything spectacular, but amongst the food trucks, it pretty much kicks ass. Plus it's $4. I'm a graduate student... I'm not made of money.



At the very least, I one-upped the original creation by using an actual Philly cheesesteak from Philly. On the downside, it was really cold outside that day, so I got lazy. Instead of going to one of the better cheesesteak trucks (like Steak Queen), I went cheap with one from George's Lunch Truck. It's $3.75... so the total cost of even a failed experiment would come in under $8. I wasn't entirely listening when I ordered, so I ended up asking for ketchup on it. Some would consider that to be sinning. Oh wells, I'm Chinese, give me a break.



... and then it happened. George's cheesesteaks are actually filled pretty well, so there was a fair bit of finagling (I was surprised spell check told me this was a real word) involved to make everything fit. The steak had to be ever so delicately compressed to submission, before I ladled out a full serving of chicken into an already obese sub roll. Getting it to stay in this position was harder than telling a kid with ADD to count marbles. Forreals.



Was it good though? I mean, asking me is kind of pointless. General Tso's chicken is like a drug to me. If it were in some way possible to hook an IV of the sauce into my blood and not kill me, I would probably do it. Then there's cheesesteaks... which are just carbs + cheese + beef. If you think about it, they're basically cheeseburgers in a different form, and oh god I love cheeseburgers. When you add them together, upon contact it's like the Wonder Twins except in the form of... gluttony and being fat. The sandwich is greasy, and every description of a plain steak sandwich is still applicable. The chicken adds a secondary element of surprise, supplementing the oozing cheese with sporadic crunches of fried crust. On top of that, the flavor profile becomes a symphony of savory, sweet, and tangy (possibly from the ketchup...) tastes. As disgusting and overwhelming as the combination sounds, I assure you this sandwich is sublime, and arguably life changing. By which I mean, if you eat it too much, you'll probably get heart disease. Best $7.75 I've spent in a long time.
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Caribbean food at Gigi & Big R

Yesterday... I had Dunkin Donut's sausage pancake bites. They don't taste awful actually, but I wouldn't say they're awesome either. Then later in the day, I also enjoyed the wonderful experience that is food poisoning (I blame DD). Why am I starting a post with commentary on the kind of crap that goes in/out of my mouth? Because over the past few hours, in which I got plenty of face time with my toilet, I got to thinking about food experiences that were unpleasant to me. I like food. I like most every kind of food. So if I find fault with something, there's probably something seriously wrong.

Like at Gigi's. Last time I had their jerk chicken... I definitely regretted it. At $7, this is pretty expensive fare coming from a truck. I have high expectations when your food costs twice as much as everyone else's. Basically, if you're gonna charge that much, your portions better be double, or it better make me feel like there's a sexy party going on in my mouth. With the jerk chicken, portions aren't an issue. The box is pretty huge, and the sides are packed down like crazy. Nope, the problem here is with the chicken. First off, it's kind of burnt (maybe it's supposed to be like that? I don't even know), so the meat is somewhat difficult to pull off, and has a charcoal-ish taste. Yum. Secondly... they don't screw around with the spices. While in 99% of cases that'd be something awesome... in this case, it's not. This shit is spicy. Seriously. Spicy enough to make you regret spending $7 on something that's not even enjoyable. Steer clear people.



To be fair... it's not all bad. Despite my previous experience, in which my tongue and stomach suffered irreparable harm, I decided to give this whole Caribbean 'soul food' thing another shot. First time I looked at their menu, I wanted to get the ox tail, but it was $9, and I didn't want to drop that many bills at once for lunch (yes I'm cheap). Last week, I decided to finally man up and just do it. As much as it hurt to pay the equivalent of 14 donuts at DD, I did it anyway. No regrets. It was legit good.



The rice was fine. The mac and cheese still rockin'. The ox tail though, was phenomenally good. While it wasn't exactly what I was expecting (soft and tender beef that falls off the bone) it was excellent in its very own way. The meat pulls off in chunks, but remain partially attached to the tail bones by connective tissue. Seasoned an appropriate amount this time, the beef is succulent and flowing in juices, but what makes gnawing at the segments of bone the most enjoyable... is definitely the massive chunks of cartilage. They're proof that there's a higher power who loves us, and that we should be eating beef. Oh yes, it is incredible.

I still don't know how I feel about Gigi and Big R's Caribbean truck. They need to calm their prices down, since they're getting a bit out of hand, and they need to make some revisions to some of their dishes i.e. spicing the crap out of chicken, but goddamn... when they do something right, it is right.
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More dishes from KOJA

I've written about KOJA before (see here, and here), but that doesn't expand on the full awesomeness of their little truck operation. On Friday's I don't really have a set schedule since I don't have class and have zero incentive to wake up to do anything, but you can say with 100% certainty, that sometime after 3 pm... I will be at the KOJA truck getting dinner. Not any other day of the week, just Friday. While this probably makes me sound neurotic and like some sort of idiot, there's a good reason. Sort of. On Fridays after 3 pm, something magical happens... like when the clock strikes midnight and Cinderella turns back into the bumpkin that she is, but in reverse... everything on their menu becomes $4.50, which is all sorts of awesome.

Normally everything on their menu is around $5.50... which, now that I think about it, actually isn't all that expensive, but... I'll take those savings any day!



The jap chae here is pretty good. It's not Koreana good, but it's pretty decent. Plus when it's $4.50, you really have very little to complain about. There's nothing out of the ordinary, it's just a really massive portion of glass noodles cooked with vegetables, served over rice, and with 2 fried dumplings. The dumplings kind of suck (never get them as an appetizer... ever), but when you give me carbs on top of more carbs for next to nothing... then we straight yo.



The pork bulgogi is actually one of my favorite dishes at the cart. I know bulgogi should technically be beef, but whatever... sweet beef is just too mild for me. I go spicy pork, because that's the manliest thing possible... or something along those lines. The pork isn't the tenderest cut, and the sauce could use some tweaking, but the main flavor profile is present. By which I mean spicy. If you ask them to cook it mild, it will actually be spicy. If you ask them to make it extra spicy, you will most likely be on the toilet and in pain. You have been forewarned.



More noodles! I was once told that I should get the noodle dishes here, since they'll pile them across all portions of the box without wasting any precious real estate for rice. True story. The beef sukiyaki yakisoba was decently good. The noodles were springy, the sauce was savory, with a subtle hint of sweetness, and the beef was appropriately tender, but the main point here is that there's a buttload of food for not that much money.

Basically, their food is alright at regular prices. Not something I'd go to as a default. On Fridays though... shit's on, and I'm always down for Korean-Japanese food (if it's after 3 pm).
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General Tso's vs. grandfather chicken (King's Wok)

Before arriving in Philadelphia, my default at Americanized Chinese takeout places was always General Tso's, Tao's, Gao's, or whatever you want to call it... chicken. Sometimes I'd change it up for the sake of variety, and I'd order sesame chicken, but the point stands. I'm a big fan of fried chunks of chicken and sauce. Imagine how surprised I was, when I learned of the existence of a third such implementation of chicken. One that's known as... 'grandfather chicken.'

One problem... I'm not entirely sure what grandfather chicken actually is. Some places list it as the same thing as General Tso's, and some places have both on their menu (see Kim's Oriental, Yue Kee, and King's Wok). In an effort to get to the bottom of this mystery, I went to King's Wok... and ordered up both.



For the past few weeks, I've heard about King's Wok non-stop. It's supposedly the greatest thing to hit the Chinese food truck scene since the advent of pork fried rice (and that stuff is fantastic). They seem to have quite the following, since if you go around lunchtime, there's usually a crowd of 15-20 people standing around waiting. Maybe it's because their food is wonderfully delicious, beyond the description of words... or maybe it's just because the guy running the truck is smart and parked right next to the engineering buildings (a.k.a. Asian person central). Either way, they get a lot of business, and people seem to like them.



I think the chicken pictured above (and at the very top) was the grandfather chicken. For $4, you're given a box of rice with breaded fried chicken, broccoli, and some sort of dark sauce with scallions in it. Pretty standard from what I've seen when ordering grandfather chicken. The rice was fine, no one really fucks up rice. The chicken was appropriately tender, with a thin crispy shell, all covered in the dark brown sauce, which was overly salty, not really sweet, and pretty nondescript really. It was okay, but the soy sauce really needed to be toned back a bit.



... and onto the General Tso's chicken. I think. I actually got the two mixed up, because the guy never told me, or marked which was which. He probably thought I was a bit of a moron for ordering two things that are 99% the same, but whatever.



For $4, you're given a box of rice with breaded fried chicken, broccoli, and some sort of dark sauce without scallions in it. Pretty standard from what I've seen when ordering General Tso's chicken. The rice was fine, no one really fucks up rice. The chicken was appropriately tender, with a thin crispy shell, all covered in the dark brown sauce, which was overly salty, not really sweet, and pretty nondescript really. It was okay, but the soy sauce really needed to be toned back a bit.

If you think I just copy pasted that last description word for word, you'd be wrong. I noted the lack of scallions. Honestly, I have no clue what the difference is. One of them had a bit more sauce, and looked soggier, but I'm pretty sure it was the same exact thing... minus scallions. So in conclusion, General Tso's = grandfather chicken. It's just some brilliant ploy by Chinese places to make their menu look more awesome. Secondary conclusion, King's Wok is not that good. I'm not really sure what my friend was talking about.
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Chicken tikka masala (Curry on Wheels)

I have fond memories of this dish from the Biryani cart. Perhaps it's because it was one of my first experiences into the world that is street meats, but that dish has been burned into my mind as something that I would consider phenomenal... moist and succulent chicken drowning in sea of a creamy and smooth yogurt sauce flavored with spectacularly strong spices and hot sauce, all sitting atop a bed of deliciously fluffy yellow Basmati. When I saw this on the menu of 'Curry on Wheels,' my spirit soared, and I thought... maybe, just maybe it'll be awesome like Biryani cart's is.

Now, Wikipedia tells me that there's no fixed recipe for the dish, only that 'the only common ingredient was chicken.' You know what? It's true, that's probably the only thing the two interpretations shared in common. I don't like being a negative Nancy about food, but this was a dish I seriously couldn't get behind. Instead of fluffy yellow rice, I had mushy stuck together rice, that was both under and overcooked simultaneously (I don't know how you even fuck up something like rice so bad). Instead of a thin yogurt sauce as spicy as it is smooth, you get something doused in cream... heavy and overpowering in dairy flavor. The chicken... well, to be completely honest, it was bland and dry. Maybe my expectations of the dish were too high, or maybe I got a bad batch of it, one way or another, it made me sad. So sad that I probably won't be returning to try anything else on the menu (not that I can, it disappeared from it's regular spot next to Pottruck).

NYC peeps, be thankful that Meru and his cart exist. That stuff is the shit.
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More cheesesteaks (Hemo's)

Since moving to Philadelphia, my food pyramid has gotten a bit screwed up. I don't classify my foods in terms of labels like poultry, meats, dairy, sugars and fats, or vegetables (what the hell are those anyway!?) anymore. Nope, my diet consists of things that are either a) Asian food from a truck, b) Mexican food from a truck, or c) cheesesteaks. I know, it's the epitome of healthy. Being surrounded by a glut of cheesesteak places is the absolutely terrific. I can imagine what you're thinking... when it comes down to it, all these places just chop up steak and put it in a long roll, what's so special about all that? The truth is, every place has their own lovable nuances that distinguish themselves from the competition. Case in point, Hemo's... who's secret white sauce is as delicious as it is questionable in origin.



Yeahhh... just look at that white goop seeping through the crevices of the beef. Imagine the semi-sweet sauce from the 53rd street chicken & rice stall, thinning it slightly, and adding it on top of a cheesesteak with green peppers and onions. The word scintillating wouldn't be overboard as far as I'm concerned. The sauce isn't a perfect reproduction. It's slightly thinner, slightly sweeter, and has a somewhat pronounced salad dressing taste, but this doesn't diminish the overall effect. You end up with a nice and oily steak sandwich that has a secondary flavor profile highlighting both a subtle sweetness as well as a tangy element. If that weren't enough to convince you to at least give it a try, the fact that it's $5 doesn't hurt either...



I'll be honest, Hemo's plain cheesesteaks aren't that good. When it comes to steak sandwiches on campus, I think I'd rather default to Steak Queen if we're talking plain steak on bread lovin'. The difference between the two appears as soon as you add that magical white sauce, it makes every sandwich on their menu fantastically delicious (from the cheesesteaks to the grilled chickens). It instantaneously elevates the flavor profile from mediocre to something that would cure even the worst of hangovers. Absolutely incredible.
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Artisanal tacos (Coup de Taco)

Towards the West, in a faraway land, there exists a very special food truck that serves tacos. "But tacos are just tacos are just tacos," you might say. Well, my friend... you'd be wrong. They don't just serve plain beef, chicken, and pork tacos, they make splendid interpretations of other cuisines into taco form, an idea that's as equally brilliant as it is bold. Flavors such as 'Sweet Thai Coconut,' 'Southern BBQ,' and 'Chicken Tikka Masala.' Indeed, they're what I call... artisanal tacos.

All hyperbole aside, there actually is such a truck. It's normally parked on 40th, between Locust and Spruce, and it's called Coup de Taco. I've been on some sort of Mexican food bender lately, going to the Mexicali truck and Tacos Don Memo more than I care to admit. When I found out there was a truck serving tacos filled with roasted chicken and sweetened coconut sauce, I was sold. I begrudgingly trekked 4 blocks (that's like 10 NYC blocks!) over to 40th and got myself some fucking tacos, like a boss. They're $3.50 per, or 2 for $6 (and supposedly 3 for $8, but that wasn't written), so they're not as cheap as Don Memo's are. Seeing as I'm a poor/cheap, I only got 2 of 'em. The first being the 'Southern BBQ' you see at the top.

The pork is soft, no doubt. It's basically pulled pork, plucked from the bone, drenched in a slightly tart BBQ sauce. The sauce isn't overpowering, and lets the sweetness of the meat really shine in the big picture. Finished with just enough rice to soak up the juices, a smattering of melted cheese, and just a hint of cilantro, this taco was good. Plain and simple. Not an epiphany of flavors, but definitely noteworthy.



What I really wanted to try was their 'Sweet Thai coconut.' Juicy shredded chicken is placed on a bed of fluffy rice, and smothered by a combination of sweet coconut sauce, a thicker, more robust peanut based sauce, and slivers of soft apple. A magnificent blend of the savory and sweet, I fell in love with the mix of sauces. If I could have a bowl of rice and just blend it in (they serve rice bowls for $6 btw), I'd be overjoyed. The aftertaste is a bitch... it lasts in your mouth for a while, and makes you regret not buying more...

Except I'm a student and I can't do that all the time. Sure, Coup de Taco does a bitchin' job at making fusion-artisanal tacos, but are they so good that I'd spend $8 on 3 (and be left hungry and wanting)? Maybe once in a while, but there's something that just feels inherently wrong about that.
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