Ramen and char-siu nirvana (Minca Ramen)

While the ramen fad peaked in 2011 (or was it 2010?) and the world has moved onto things like cronuts, I haven't moved on yet. I don't like change. I like constancy. Or maybe I share some similarities to the Pokemon Slowpoke. Today, in the middle of this assclown ridiculously hot and humid summer, I'm going to tell you a secret that's utterly useless to you now. A secret I held near and dear to my heart for years out of fear that tourists and douches would ruin it if it got legitimately popular - stares in the general direction of Prosperity Dumpling. Today, I shall reveal to you my favorite Japanese noodle place in the entire world. Including Japan. Although I've never eaten ramen there (except in the airport), so that's somewhat of a bullshit claim. Whatever, I feel like I eat enough of a variety of noodles where I can claim some sort of demented expert status in this kind of thing. Anyway, while almost every blogger in NYC will prematurely ejactulate over Ippudo or touch themselves at the mere thought of Totto Ramen - I can't get behind that crap. I'm not prepared to wait 30 minutes for a bowl of noodles (up to an hour if you're unfortunate). Frankly, I don't care for the atmosphere either. I just want to shove my face full of fatty-ass pork, slurp up some noodles, and drown in a thick creamy broth. That's where Minca comes in.



There's a saying in software development that was made popular around the time Facebook started blowing up... "move fast and break things." Well Minca's ramen is delivered way fast, and wreaks havoc on my digestive system. So there's that. One of the huge draws is the fact that I literally don't have to wait for shit. I've never had to wait for a table (grabbing a seat at the bar is almost always an option), and within 5 minutes of ordering, there's usually a bowl of sensual flavors sitting in my face. Look at that photo, that guy is literally servicing 6 customers at once. No inefficiencies in this place.



Damn, their gyoza sure are pretty. To be honest, I feel bad paying for gyoza. Yes, they're innately different from the 5 for $1 dumplings in Chinatown - they're more delicate, less doughy, and comprise of more meat, but they're still a horrible value for what you're paying. That said, Minca's are pretty tight. They have a certain fragrance of pork that's just a cut above what you normally get with cheapo dumps. The skins are insanely thin, yet eerily resilient. They're like that kid in highschool that got picked on all the time and you thought would just fucking lose it, but doesn't. That kind of resilience.



But you're not there for the gyoza. You're there for this shit. There are few things that bring me more joy than Lord of the Rings lego sets, and their Minca Sio ramen is one of them. You like fine-ass noodles with snap and elasticity? Hell yeah they got that shit locked down. You like rich creamy pork broth heavy on the garlic and sesame oil? They got those too. You looking for tight as fuck roast pork that they freaking flame torch on the spot? They've got that in spades (and are probably one of the only ramen places in NYC that does it). The components all sound wonderful, but the amalgam of bits results in a bowl of soul soothingly smooth noodles that has character from start to finish. The first bites are almost overwhelming, but as you take bite after bite, the flavors mellow, the tastes meld, and the experience is indescribable. Each mouthful of noodles gets intercepted by bites of crispy pork, rendered fat, and crunchy seaweed. It's honestly a whirlwind of textures layered on top of in your face flavor.

I'm not terribly good with words, but this is one of those places I go to even during the summer. Even when I'm sweating up a tropical storm of perspiration, I have urges. Just like sometimes you gotta rub one out, sometimes I gotta get my ramen on. Minca is probably the only place that can settle my 'congeez,' as my Nigerian friend would say.

tl;dr - in an effort to keep assclowns from ruining my favorite ramen place, I've waited three years to reveal my go to joint. If Minca were a significant other, it would be sexual in all the right ways, and dependable in all those other boring ways. Their ramen is just short of god-like. Ippudo can suck it.

Minca Ramen
536 E 5th St, New York, NY 10009
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Best things I've had in my mouth (2012 edition)

This photo is unrelated to anything. I wish there really were a giant sized ice cream sandwich though...

Since I took ass-clown forever to write this post, I'm about two weeks too late to jump on the 'Best of' hash tag bandwagon. So just consider this a preview of posts yet to come... since I'm as backed up on posts as a geriatric who's lost their Metamucil. Anyway, as most of you are probably aware of, I did a pretty shit-tastic job of blogging this year. I'll admit it... my blog was about as successful as Betty White is sexy i.e. occasionally, but totally by accident. I posted maybe once a month and I have a backlog of unedited photos longer than one of Conan the Barbarian's legendary ass-hairs. That's not to say I didn't eat a metric ass-load of food (that's a real measurement), and that's not to say I didn't have my share of "oh wow, this needs to be made known bites." I was just lazy. Sorry. Without further ado... here's a list of five things that I consumed in 2012 that either 1. made me "turn my tighty-whities into frownie brownies" or 2. made me smile from ear to ear.

For the record, these aren't in any sort of order. I just randomly think of these things when I'm on the toilet. Actually, I guess you could say they're in the order I thought about memorable meals while on the toilet. I don't think anyone wants to think of it that way though.



1. Soup Dumplings at Nan Xiang (南翔小籠包) - Shit son. I like pork buns and I cannot lie. You other brothas can't deny. When a bun comes in with pork broth taste and a thin skin in my face I get sprung. Maybe not everyone's not like me. Maybe pork meatballs surrounded by a soup-laden bubble of carbohydrates isn't your thing. I say this with all due respect, but go eat a bundle of dicks. That should be everyone's thing. There are few things more glorious than the engineering marvels that are soup dumplings - from the dangerously delicate wrapper to the extremely volatile soup and meat suspension - these things defy logic. They are impossible structures of culinary masterpiece as well as literal flavor bomb. Nowhere in NYC will you find a better version than the one at Nan Xiang. Just be thankful that almost every asshat you come across will tell you that Joe's Shanghai is the place to go... it ensures the wait time here is shorter. Also get the deep fried beef scallion pancakes. Ermahgerd worthy.



2. Chahan at Naruto Ramen - As an Asian person, it's not often that I'm excited by something as plain as fried rice. I feel like I'm probably setting back stereotypes decades by saying this, but fried rice is part of my culture, I feel like I understand its most intimate desires, how it wants to taste, how it wants to clog my arteries with every grain of oil coated rice, how it should... be. As something of a fried rice connoisseur (note: holy shit, I surprised myself by spelling that correctly on first go...) Naruto Ramen does some next level shit when they decided to add 'chahan' to their menu. There's nothing complex about what goes into that pile of glorious starch and oil, it's a simple fried rice with roast pork, narutomaki, and scallions and eggs to finish. What I couldn't have expected was the depth of flavor such a simple mix would have over high heat. Fried rice is hard to fuck up for sure, but it's also damn hard to get this good. I feel like a dumbass for writing about fried rice, but this is some seriously dangerous shiz. Worth the trip up to the UES alone, and worth eating on its own as a standalone meal. Their ramen is good, but there's simply no point. It's a waste of carbs.



3. Fried potstickers at Tasty Dumpling - Woops. I fucked up. I admit it. Last year I might've told you that Prosperity Dumpling was the undisputed king of the dollar dumpling stores in Chinatown. I stand by the statement that at five for $1, that deal is something spectacular, but something happened this year. Something changed about them. For the first time in my life, I will go against the prudent economic choice and tell you that the best dumplings (according to this idiot at least) are five for $1.25. Yes. Even at a 25% premium on price, I'm telling you that Tasty Dumpling's dumplings are indeed the tits when it comes to pockets of meat. I'll eventually explain the full logic behind this statement in a post down the road, but for now - I feel like the fact that I'm willing to pay that much more per dumpling should be proof enough of Tasty's quality.



4. Sio Ramen from Minca - If you ask most people where the best Ramen in NYC is, you'll get a smattering of answers. Surely you'll hear Ippudo come up again and again, but honestly... waiting an hour plus for a bowl of noodles is pretty ridiculous in my opinion. Some will undoubtedly say Totto, Terakawa, or maybe Setagaya. I've been to all of them and as far as I'm concerned... none of their offerings can hold a candle to the sio ramen at Minca. Rich garlicy broth is mixed with springy noodles that stretch longer than a broken Stretch Armstrong doll. The crowning piece to this Pandora's box of flavor is the fact that they flame torch your bowl at the very end, bringing a slight and gentle charring to the char siu they lay delicately on top. The layer of rendered pork fat on top glistens in the soup acting as a mirror so you can see your own 'O-face' when you've taken your first bite.



5. (RIP) Cake cuts at Hong Cafe - Yeah, I'm cheating here. This shit doesn't exist anymore, but that doesn't diminish how wonderful it once was (during 2012). What was once the glorious Hon Cafe - not just a restaurant, but an institution of brilliance and efficiency and the best source of cake cuts in the city - is now a lame-ass over-priced joint called Mottzar Kitchen. What the fuck is a 'Mottzar' anyway? Once upon a time, Hon Cafe used to take its cosmetically challenged cake nubbins and would bag them up in an orphanage of sorts. They'd slap a $2 price tag on each bag, each special... full of unique defects, and sell them in the front window. Most people walked by, disgusted by the non-homogeneity of these bags of freak cakes. Not I. I saw their inner beauty. I knew that those non-symmetric rings of cream, sugar, and flour were just as good as their supermodel cousins, but at a fraction of the cost. I would make it a point to save these 'B+' cakes, discarded in a harsh Asian 'tiger-mom' world and save them - eating an entire bag with each sitting. Alas, they are no more. If someone has any leads on cake cuts... I will pay you a king's ransom for that knowledge.

So what's going to happen in 2013? I'll start blogging again. As much as I hate to admit it, I like to write, and I like getting in random internet arguments with strangers. Yes, to some degree I'm an attention whore. Aside from that? Maybe I'll use my recently discovered non-allergy to seafood and take it for a test drive. Maybe 2013 is the year of shrimp. Lots of shrimp. Less pork. Ha, unlikely. Realistically this year will be more of the same. More artery clogging, more catching up on posts, not enough money.

tl;dr - here's a bunch of things that I was uncomfortably excited to have in my mouth in 2012. Number 5 makes me sad. If someone can help me find cake cuts in Chinatown, you will be my new best friend. Or if you don't want to be my best friend... go eat a dick. Seriously though, tell me.
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Ramen from a chain (甘泉魚麵)

Speaking of ramen... I just don't get it. It's not like there's not a lack of a market for ramen in America. People love it... from the rich, hearty broths, to the delightfully springy noodles. There's something for everyone when it comes to ramen (that is, unless you have some odd patriotic reasoning that prohibits you from eating Japanese food). So how come in Taiwan, they can have chain ramen restaurants, that can churn out consistently good ramen, while we have to settle for hit or miss ramen more often than not (a few select establishments notwithstanding)? Case in point? A joint called 甘泉魚麵 (Gan Quan Yu Mian), which can put more than a fair share of NYC ramen places to shame.

Fuck yeah, never have I ever... had spicy Szechuan pork ramen. For just 110 NT (~$3.75) you get a bowl of fantastic pork broth impregnated by chili oil. Hiding in the soup is fatty pork sliced so thinly that upon cooking, it actually curls onto itself, delicate cubes of firm tofu that just soak up the flavors, and a spattering of crunchy greens to balance out the overpowering nature of the spiciness. As for the noodles... they carry the consistency of extra thin hand pulled noodles, superbly springy and playfully chewy. No, this certainly isn't a bowl of ramen for the traditionalists, that is, if you can even call this truly ramen. What I do know, is that it tastes fantastically kick ass, with a certain feisty aspect that I normally associate with beef noodle soup, but with a lighter touch.



I forget how much the plain hakata ramen was... not that it really matters, in the end it's a matter of cents on the dollar. I felt obliged to get it just because excellent hakata ramen is a veritable white whale of mine. I don't think I'll ever find a bowl that can live up to my unrealistic expectations of creamy bone thickened broth and lightly charred pork glistening in fat. Theirs was good, nothing spectacular, but for no more than $4, there's absolutely no reason for any complaining. Basically, I didn't look very hard for good ramen in Taipei, but the ones I found were all pretty good.

Now that the food is out of the way, let me spew some useless opinions about ramen in the US vs. ramen in Taiwan. First point of contention... price. I realize this isn't exactly a fair fight, like David vs. Goliath, but come on. The average pricing is ~115 NT ($4) for a giant bowl of above average ramen. I consistently pay between $15-20 in NYC. If every bowl that I tried in America was undeniably incredible, I'd have no gripes. I mean, I can understand that location matters, but when you churn out something that's below the standard of a chain restaurant in Taiwan, and want to charge me 3x the cost just because you're in Manhattan? Sorry, that's just not cool. Now I know some people will tell me that I'm an idiot, and that I'm ignoring the fact that I paid $1000 for a plane ticket to gain access to all this food. This is true, but this is also my blog... so I'm going to ignore that tidbit and consider all else equal because I can.
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More katsu goodness at 大喜屋 (Da Xi Wu)

I'm pretty sure I have a quiz in a few hours, in the riveting subject of molecular phenomena. I suppose I could be spending my time looking over class notes and past homework assignments to learn the intricacies of statistical mechanics, but... why would I do that when I have so many blog posts left unfinished, sigh, priorities... I have none. Anyway, in progressing (more or less chronologically) to my next meal, I went to a place called 大喜屋 or roughly translated as 'Big Fortune House,' stupid, I know. What wasn't stupid though was how thoroughly incredible the food turned out to be. A little background on the restaurant, it's located in the alleyway that encompasses the open air section of 光華市場 (Guang Hua Marketplace), basically at the far end of the first street that sells electronics if you turn off 新生 (Xin Sheng). Okay, so I'm pretty terrible at directions, but I would guess most people in Taipei could find it. Anyway, it's a small store that clearly caters to students (gauging off the price), that sells katsu and ramen. Crazy right? 2 of my favorite things, super cheap... how convenient. Onto the food eh?


I'm going to preface this with a disclaimer, I don't remember the prices. I know it was really cheap since I never actually carry more than 200 NT ($6) on me at any given time, unless I'm planning on buying something. If that can order 2 full meals, then it had to have been cheap. First up was the katsu, which was pretty decent actually. I won't lie to you and tell you it was the most incredible meal I've ever had, but they take pork and fry the bejeezus out of it into something oily and delicious, pair it with rice (with special pork sauce to boot!), and give you choice of 2 vegetable sides. All for well under 100 NT. No complaints here.


Uh, I don't remember much about the ramen aside from thinking that the broth was really thick. I have no recollection of how the pork tasted, or how the noodles texture played into the equation, I just know that I didn't mind eating a bowl of hot soup noodles on a day that was probably well into the 30's... I mean degrees Celsius. Again, for well under $3, who could complain? In any case, the food at this 'house of luck' isn't overwhelming. It's just relatively simple food offered at an incredible price. Would I make a trip out of it? Probably not, but I did go back a few times when I went computer gawking.
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Ramen Setagaya, will you adopt me?

I have this thing for ramen in case you didn't know. It's somewhat poorly documented since I didn't really get a chance to photograph the most of the stuff I had in Taiwan, but it's true. It's up there with beef noodles and curry rice. So on the same night that I pushed several thousand more calories through my tiny body, I had also gotten ramen from Setagaya. Daven, Dom, Chris, Han, Rich and I had trekked downtown planning on getting our noodle on, and proceeded to get lost (this is the collective intelligence level of 6 Columbia students... if you're a prospective student, consider that before coming here). Anyhoo, after many twists and turns, we ended up at our magical destination of St. Mark's Place. We walk in (SUPER BOSSLIKE), and they tell us that there's not enough seating for all of us. We proceed to glare at these 2 guys that were taking up a long table, and they got up as soon as they caught our gaze, probably out of fear (this only took place in my mind btw). No seriously though, these 2 guys were extremely accommodating and gave up their seats so that we could sit at the large table. Everyone orders (more or less the same thing)... the picture to the upper left was supposed to be the shio ramen (but they screwed up and gave me the chasu pork!) as part of the dinner set, with which I also got gyoza... I ate them... without taking a picture. Fail. For I think $11.95 it wasn't super cheap, but it also wasn't expensive for the area. To boot, it was close enough to what I expect where I'd go back again, so if you're looking for ramen, I would point you here I guess.


So while I wasn't smart enough to take a picture of my own side (your choice with any meal set... either oyako don, curry rice, or gyoza), I did snap a picture of the oyako don that Han got. I have no clue how it tasted, I just thought it looked good with a nice blend of colors haha. See how superficial my opinion of restaurants are? Anyway, in summary... if you like ramen (and on a cold day, who doesn't?) and if you're in the area, don't hesitate to stop in at Setagaya. There's a nice little Izakaya feel, complete with bar, and the food is definitely palatable. I'd say it'd be comparable to Menkuitei, but with smaller portions. The prices aren't outrageous, and the area is certainly fun.
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Ramen, fast food style

So I ran into someone at the gym the other day... and found out that apparently people actually read this thing. So, out of guilt, I'll make a food post. Let's be honest, I don't remember the name of this place. Strangely enough I remember the prices, the things I ordered, the location, and even the freakin' bus I took to get there (263 if that even matters). Anyhoo, I remember going here because I was craving ramen like no one's business, and I was on a tight budget. Seriously... I got paid 600 NT ($20) a day to do research for 8 hours. I realize I have to temper my expectations for wages in Taiwan, but still... I felt jipped. So I came here, a fast food ramen place (the mascot is a little cartoon samurai if any food detectives wanna help me out here), because it had ramen dishes for 79 NT ($2.50) specals. I ordered the chasu ramen for my mom since she just wanted the cheapest thing on the menu. That's the one on the upper left. Uh... it was good for what it was, student food. I mean, if you compared it with the US joints, yeah, it could rank amongst Menkuitei or Setagaya, but come on Asia... you can do better. It was the standard pork ramen with bamboo, fake crab, an egg... and yeah... that was about it. Nothing worth explaining, but man that bowl of ramen sure is beautiful. On a cold day like today... I'm totally craving that hot bowl of mediocrity.


I personally got the curry ramen (remember? I had a curry phase this Summer). It was a bit more, colorful... I guess. It was more or less the same thing, several slices of chasu pork with fermented bamboo, fake crab, a tea egg type thing made with curry sauce, and corn, all served in a soup with a super strong curry scent. I actually thought it came together rather well, the pungency of the bamboo offset the strong taste of the curry, and made for quite a pleasant soup base to finish with. Oh, the noodles were... most likely from store bought packaging. Whatever. For less than $3, I wasn't expecting anything mind blowing. It was satisfying though.
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