Something you might not know about me: I don't believe in the idea of perseverance and all that "The Little Engine That Could" jazz. When the going gets tough I usually give up. What I mean is - I don't like partaking in things that are difficult. Or things that I'm not particularly good at. For example... I gave up on skateboarding because I was fat and couldn't jump very high, I gave up on violin because I realized there were too many people that were better at it than me, and I gave up on grad school because my research skills are pretty weak sauce. The list goes on. Maybe this makes me sound like a failure as a person on some level, but I actually think it's a pretty good policy to go off of in general. Like restaurants. If you're going to open a new eatery, it should be innovative and improve upon the status quo. That seems reasonable right? I mean, if you're aiming for mediocrity... why bother?
When I saw "Oh Two Five" I got really excited. It's a place that serves snowflake ice in Manhattan. It's the shit my childhood was built on. It's the stuff that made me into the awkward tubby fat kid through my teenage years. It's what made me... me. The fact that it's available in the city now is incredible to me.
I have to admit. The fact that they used an umlaut and called it "snö" ice seems unnecessarily stupid to me, but hey... whatever. If they're willing to shave ice that's laced with condensed milk into smooth as hell layers of sensuality then they could call it butthöle nipple ice for all I care. I'm all about the bottom line. Plus look at that poster. Giant pile of sugar, water, and milk. And strawberries too. Nature's sluttiest fruit (only fruit with exposed seeds!). I would pay a king's ransom for this shit.
Too bad they basically lie to you about what you're getting. Instead of a magical mountain of creamy ice shaved finer than fart particles, I ended up with a small pile of fail. The actual ice itself didn't exactly meet the expectations set by my memory of the places in Taiwan. Ideally the dish has a consistent sweetness and possesses a milky sorbet-like texture - straddling the line between a light airy condensed milk flavored ice cream and an Italian ice. Their version is slightly tart, only mildly sweet, and somewhat thin in consistency (maybe because it was a bajillion degrees outside). Add to that the fact that they only give you a small spoonful of each topping and the final product isn't just disappointing, you almost feel cheated from the advertising. Basically they took my dangled my childhood nostalgia in front of me then proceeded to stomp on it just to mock me. Also they charge you money for this. Straight wack.
tl;dr? While I'm super amped that more and more places are pimping out snowflake ice, it's not cool if you're going to put out a substandard product. Guys, I really want to like you, so... fix your shit, stop deceiving people with false advertising, and up your game yo.
Oh Two Five
43 Bayard St, New York, NY 10013