Proper cooking of a burger (National Mechanics)

I wrote about the National Mechanics burger a couple of weeks ago on AHT, so if you're actually curious about that burger in particular, hop on over to Serious Eats and read it there. Nope, this post is mostly going to be where I write/complain about what constitutes a properly cooked burger. In my opinion. Because this is my blog.

Anyway, when I was a kid/dumbass, I used to ask for my burgers to be cooked medium-well. I absolutely hated the idea of consuming blood... undoubtedly because "Twilight" hadn't come out yet. As I entered my teenage/angst-filled years, I began to push the culinary boundaries and started getting my meat cooked medium - ever so slightly pink, but still devoid of red liquid content. As I progressed through college, I grew ever more brazen... demanding rare to medium-rare on every single burger I shoved in my mouth. Mad cow? Fuck that. I lived life on the edge.

I had found my sweet spot of burger well-doneness. Medium-rare. The way it should be.



As you can see, the National Mechanics burger isn't anything special. The bun isn't brushed with an ostrich egg yolk prior to baking and the cheese isn't made from the milk of some goat only found on a remote island off the coast of Spain, but it is what it is... a well thought out and assembled bar burger. Nothing more, nothing less.



One of the few things I hate about AHT is the fact that they make me cut open burgers before eating. People want to know how coarse the meat is, how well cooked it is, crap like that, but at the same time... they don't want to see bite marks and imagine your saliva impregnating all the nooks and crannies of the bread (yet some of the other writers do this... *whistles*). I get it. That shit is disgusting. Still, a lot of times it ruins the experience for me. Do you know how much it sucks when I have to destroy an engineering marvel that is a perfectly constructed burger? DO YOU?

But that's not my point. My point is... when I look at that burger, it makes me sad. It makes me sad that medium-rare apparently means medium-well. It makes me sad that there isn't a hint of meat in the center that went unspoiled by heat. And yet, despite my virtual tears, it tasted awesome. In the end, that burger was certainly above average, and I didn't even care how the patty was cooked. The meat was smoky and juicy, the bun was phenomenal (good enough to eat alone), and the other stuff was... er, fine. I'm not entirely sure where I'm trying to go with this, but based on my experience at National Mechanics, I feel like I have to reassess what "properly cooked" really means to me. Does everything have to come out fluorescent pink to taste good? Definitely not. Does that mean everything I thought before was wrong? Maybe.
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Fried chicken and catfish (Pies'n'Thighs)

I've been giving a lot of thought as to where I want to live in NYC next year. Obviously my salary puts a big constraint on what's possible... obviously I can't afford to solo a studio in Chelsea, I probably can't manage a room on the Upper East Side, and I certainly can't find an affordable place near Union Square. Outside of financial considerations, second in my list of criteria is probably food. I know this doesn't make sense, but nope... I don't really care about my personal safety so long as there's something good to eat near my house. So yeah, lately I've been squinting my eyes super hard thinking about foods I like to eat... things like hand-pulled noodles (Chinatown), Japanese Curry (Hell's Kitchen), doughnuts (Greenpoint), and things that are, in general, fried. Which brings us to a post on "why Nicholas wants to move to Williamsburg." Three words... sort of... Pies'n'Thighs.

Someone pointed out that their name sounds like a bakery run by strippers. This is true, and unfortunately for middle-aged perverted men everywhere, that is not the case. Pies'n'Thighs is just your friendly neighborhood eatery specializing in Southern comfort food in the form of fried chicken (and other fried things) and pies. Two of my most favorite things conveniently located in a single shop... +2 for points on moving to Williamsburg. When Robyn and Melissa asked if I had ever been, I secretly squealed like a schoolgirl, but calmly replied that I had not and would love to.



If it's not obvious yet, they're really good at making fried chicken. Super crispy skin, nice juicy white meat, all-around solid flavor profile. Their catfish might be even better though. I usually abstain from eating stuff that comes from the water (I prefer not scratching myself to death)... but their fried catfish was crazy good. With just a light coating of breadcrumbs, the catfish was remarkably tender and juicy... pulling apart with just light prodding from a knife. The flavor is kind of nondescript, but when paired with tartar sauce... this shit was spot-on. And it also came with cornbread. It is an impossibility to screw up cornbread, so that was awesome too. Another +1 for living in Williamsburg?



There's something called a "chicken biscuit" on their menu. It is $5.50. Not knowing what exactly it was... curiosity definitely played a role in it getting ordered. It's basically their standard biscuit - warm, flaky, buttery, and happiness in pastry form - sandwiching a fried chicken cutlet drizzled with honey butter and hot sauce. Is it good? Fuck yeah it is. Is it worth $5.50? It's small as hell... so probably not. Whatever. I'd eat it again if it were free... if that means anything to you.



Since the store name has "pies" in it, they must be good at making pies. Fact. Even after being warned by Robyn that their pies probably weren't anything special, I was still adequately aroused by the idea of eating pies and fried chicken in one place. When I looked at the dessert specials menu, I was torn between the struffoli (it's dough... FRIED!) or the coffee ice cream pie. Tough decision. More fried stuff or an ice cream pie?



We got the coffee ice cream pie. Buyer's remorse for me. I realized it was really just coffee ice cream in an Oreo crust (which probably should've been completely obvious to me from the name). Not that it's not great and all - it tasted good - it's just that fried dough covered in honey and sprinkles seemed way more baller after ordering.

Unfortunately for me, Williamsburg is also the hipster HQ of NYC. You know who I'm talking about... wearing their tight jeans and Converses. They'll probably make fun of me for riding a bike with multiple speeds/brakes! So despite the all the pros that come from the kick ass food at Pies'n'Thighs, it's all negated by privileged rich kids who like pretending they're poor, enjoy wearing goofy clothing, and listen to crappy music. Fuck. Guess I gotta keep looking.

Now for a serious question... is it dumb that I'm choosing my home based on proximity to food?
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A lesson in gluttony (Food Gallery 32)

Whoever said that "too much of a good thing is a bad thing" is an absolute moron. Case in point... Korean food. There's no such thing as too much Korean food. I don't care if my stomach is on the verge of exploding, spicy rice cake doesn't get any less delicious. True story. In continuation of the "where I freeload off of Serious Eats" series (part 1 on doughnuts here), I showed up out of the blue when I heard that the SE gang was going to sample the various restaurants of Food Gallery 32. In my head I figured that a few people would go, we'd each get what we wanted to try, and we'd sit down in a small huddle and talk about our feelings... and maybe discuss the food too. What ended up happening was the greatest shit show ever.

When normal people think lunch... it's a singular dish. Maybe add in a side if you're super hungry/fat. I figured that for people whose lives revolve around food, maybe a little bit more than that was required per person. But to Ed Levine, lunch is nothing to fuck around with. As we walked from stall to stall getting "samples" from each, I started tallying the number of dishes... by the time we reached the fourth (of seven) stalls, I realized the stupidly ridiculous amount of food that was ordered. There were like eight people eating, but for some reason we ended up with about 30 items. Oh snap, shit was on. Forreals.



Just look at that awesome spread. Do you know how many tables it took for us to hold everything? Fourteen. I don't know if you've ever seen 14 tables full of Asian food before, but let me assure you... it's every bit as awesome as it sounds. Anyhoo, instead of making this post informative or something remotely useful, I'm going to hammer you with photos of random foods that I happened to like. I might even tell you where they're from... but I honestly don't really remember that much. I kind of just shoveled stuff in my mouth as I walked around the table.



Pork belly is a good start to any meal. The SE peeps got a few appetizers from Boon Sik Zip, and this was one of them. I'm pretty sure there's no way to really screw up pork and fat, so... uh, this was good? I would eat it again.



SPICY RICE CAKE. Lookit how red and seductive that is. Doesn't it just get you all hot and bothered? These were from the same place. These weren't fantastic (according to everyone else eating), but let's be real here. I am Asian. I like things made out of rice. If you roll it in some sweet and spicy sauce, I really don't have any complaints. Again, nothing out of this world, but I thought it was decent.



All was not peachy. Their soondae (blood sausage) kind of sucked. The sticky rice inside was kind of... grainy, and the outer intestinal casing was really paper-like. Top it off with the fact that blood sausage without sauce is normally bland, and basically I was completely disenchanted with this dish from bite number one. Oh well, can't win 'em all.

Then I moved onto the entrees...



I don't remember eating this, nor do I know where it's from. It's probably for the best. I spy squid or something in there. I would've been scratching for hours from allergies.



Then starts the stuff we got from O-de-ppang!. Yes, the exclamation mark is part of the name, because they're just happy to be there. I thought these were awesome when I first saw them. I mean, I like rice balls in general. When you shape them into small little hearts, it's beyond cute. Mind = blown. I was actually super amped to try these, so when I finally did... I took a massive bite. Big mistake. They're filled with tiny anchovies that are beyond salty. Despite their cute outer appearance, these things taste like crap. Crap that's encrusted with enough salt to give you hypertension. AVOID.



There was also a pork cutlet dish, served too ways. I want to say it was either from Pastel or O-de-ppang!, but I can't say with 100% certainty. Anyway, one was served with curry gravy, and the other with Kewpie mayo. God that shit is like crack. I just want to rub it all over my face in the vicinity of my mouth so I can lick it once in a while. Go ahead, judge me. As for the cutlets... I don't remembered much about them. I had like one bite of each. I wasn't revolted, so I guess they must've been okay. Plus one had Kewpie mayo... there's no way that was bad.



And some spicy pork from O-de-ppang!. Fuck, the one bad thing about eating so much freakin' food at once is that I remember virtually nothing about any of them, but I know that collectively it was awesome.



This was different though. I don't know the exact name, but we got a beef gratin dish from Pastel. You remember as a kid... when you thought that Hamburger Helper was the tits? No? Well maybe that was just me. I have fond memories of that ground beef goop + powdered sauce over noodles. Anyway, this was like Hamburger Helper gone right. They took thinly sliced beef and vegetables, mixed it with sweet and savory bulgogi sauce, melted some cheese into it, and dropped it on a bowl of rice. Holy batman was it good. This might've been one of the only dishes that was completely gone by the end of the meal.



Katsu curry from... somewhere. I remember eating a lot of this actually, but I can't remember a darned thing about it. Meh. That's pretty much all I have to say.



What Korean meal would be complete without bibimbap. This came from Hanok, and it was pretty generic average bibimbap. When it really comes down to it, it's really no more than mixed vegetables and crispy rice. Not bad, but it definitely didn't have anything that set it apart from the versions I've had in the past. They deserve bonus points for their aesthetic element though. When it first arrives, there's a paper ring that sits on the outside of the bowl cautioning that you should be careful of burns. Thoughtful right?



One of the few dishes that was actually phenomenal was the LA Galbi from Hanok. Fantastically seasoned, the beef on these ribs was the perfect blend of fatty, tendons, and just soft-to-the-bone beef. I only got to have two of these puppies, but that's only because everyone else loved them too.



It wasn't quite Black Day yet (exactly one week from now ಥ_ಥ), but I'm down with eating bean paste noodles pretty much anytime. There's something about that sweet and heavy sauce that just sits well with me. I don't even care that it makes my teeth look ridiculous for the hour after, that shit is delicious. Jin Jja Roo's version probably isn't the best around, hell... I know there's a better one at Hyo Dong Gak or Shanghai Mong across the street, but it's definitely not bad considering it's from a food court. Part of it might've been the fact that since we were all taking pictures, no one mixed the noodles until they all congealed together. PHOTOGRAPHER FAIL.



We also got some khan poong gi from there. It's basically fried chicken with a sticky sweet garlic sauce topping. Most of the people said it was just okay, but I absolutely loved it. There's just something about frying chicken and coating it with sauce that I can't resist... case in point General Tso's chicken, chili chicken, orange chicken, sesame chicken - you get the point. While everyone else was walking around the table sampling other crap, I pretty much parked myself next to the khan poong gi and went to fucking town. Killed 75% of the dish solo... super easy.

If you thought that was a buttload of food, you don't even know. After we failed to finish 50% of the food we ordered, Ed began ordering dessert crepes from the place upstairs. Yes, because what I need after stuffing my gut with rice and all that jazz is soft crepes filled with ice cream.

What's the point of this post? Nothing much, part of it is guilt that I've fallen so behind on blogging and just want to get caught up. Another part of it is just to share some Korean food porn. Most of it is just to make you guys jealous. What? My side job is awesome.
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Gettin' diabetes at SE:HQ (Doughnut Edition)

Mmm, DP in the morning, DP for lunch, and DP after work... that is the life for me. Fellow food bro Danny got it right when he conceded that doughnuts are the most sensual thing since Betty White starred in "Golden Girls." Move the fuck over cupcakes... doughnuts are here, queer, and you should get used to it. Wait, that's not 100% what I meant... but the concept is the same. Doughnuts are finally getting their moment in the spotlight and they have staying power. End of discussion. Serious Eats, aside from graciously financing my accelerated death, is always on the edge of revolutions in dessert, so they held (yet again) a taste test of the best doughnuts in NYC. Seeing as how I have nothing better to do with my free time, I dropped in to be the best freeloader I could.



Oh yes, this happened. Basically, a list of places was constructed (not including sit down restaurants of course), and doughnuts from the all five boroughs were assembled. Sort of like a UN of doughnuts, or a Justice League of doughnuts, except less useless and way more delicious... zing! There might've been discussion going on about things like texture and flavors or whatever, but I was kind of just eating things when they appeared in front of me. Sorry I can't really offer more insight on what goes on at SE:HQ, I was too mesmerized by the sugar.



Oh hai Robyn! Yeah, unsurprisingly I wasn't allowed to just walk in to the office and eat stuff. I had to wait for photographs of everything to be taken. I got suckered into plate cleaning and doughnut piling duties (which I was more than fine with since I got out of the instant oatmeal taste test).

Now onto the doughnuts...!



This was not a doughnut. But it was on the table. So I ate it. I was actually the only person eating it, which is embarrassing considering the fact that nearly 1/4 of it disappeared before the actual doughnut tasting began. When I showed up the next day, it was still there... I ate some more. It was still good. It's really just a giant raspberry danish 10" across that's super flaky on the outside, intimately moist on the inside, and in general... delightfully fruity. I have no clue where it's from, so if someone can point me to where this fantastically over-sized danish is from, you'll be my friend FOREVER. Thanks.



Doughnut holes from dough. Admittedly, I remember nothing about them, but the SE people seemed to be smitten. I can confirm that I put them in my mouth at some point, so I must've been down with how they tasted. Honestly, it's fried dough coated in sugar. It was going to taste good from the onset.



Then came more doughnut holes... this time from Donut Pub. These were denser, chewier, and all in all heftier (much like Brawny vs. generic paper towels). They were memorable indeed. I did get to try every single one of the varieties, but after a while it they all kind of tasted similar i.e. sweet. The texture was nice though, and the moistness was definitely appreciated.



Oh shit! Surprise... more doughnut holes. These were from Panya. Again... fried dough + sugar = good to me. Other people didn't seem to like them, and yeah... they had a bit of a weird aftertaste. The texture was cool though, I think they might've been infused with mochi so they were definitely chewier. I guess the Asian idea of "QQ" is applicable. Maybe the mochi accounted for the weirdness in flavor, but honestly I don't know.



No clue where these were from either. I just didn't want people to think that I spent the day poppin' doughnut holes in my mouth. I did more than my fair share of hard work aside from that... using my front teeth eating ring shaped doughnuts, jelly filled doughnuts, and even poop shaped doughnuts...



I bet Panya thought it would be cool to make a mochi doughnut in the shape of a twist. Slight oversight on their part - people who eat doughnuts are often immature. Can you honestly tell me that thing doesn't look like a Japanese cartoon poop? Just the general shape of it. Anyway, looking like a swirl of shit was no deterrent for me, I gladly ate it. While it is definitely not good by any means, it is for sure the most delicious poop-shaped object I've ever eaten. That's pretty damn good in my book.



I was responsible for bringing bombolinis from Sullivan Street Bakery. Holy shit these things are expensive. Like $3.25 for a small puff that lasts all of three bites. Two if you're a honking fatass like me. I know on the SE slideshow they had a tie for the "battle of the bombolinis," but that's absolute horse crap. Falai's are lighter, more subtle, and all in all... more sexual overall. Know why I don't have pictures of those? Because I was too busy eating them to care about pictures. Anyway, this isn't really a good comprehensive list of doughnuts, or anything really, I just really like eating doughnuts.

As for the aftermath? When I got back to where I was staying, I basically plopped myself down on the bed... then I curled up in a ball. That sugar high nonsense? Yeah, way past that. I didn't want to do anything, I entirely frozen by the charms of glazed sugars, jelly fillings, and fried dough. The thing that really sucks is that I don't distinctly remember that much about any of the doughnuts. Shiz, I knew which ones tasted good (basically all of them), but their nuances were lost on me. Apparently shoving bite after bite of fried dough from different places with little time separating each bite is not good for taste testing. Moral of this post? Doughnuts are delicious, photographing sugary delights is hard, being a food writer is even harder yo. People might just think that I just snap some pictures, eat some food, then write about it... well let me tell you something. That's pretty much it, but it's still more difficult than you'd think, but yeah... go eat doughnuts. They're good?
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