Tuesday, February 15, 2011

49.5 McNuggets i.e. how McDonald's broke my heart

Nutritionally balanced dinner

I'm sure this is no surprise to anyone who reads my blog with any frequency, but I'm not above eating fast food. Some food writers like to scoff at the low quality and questionable origins of fast food, but you know what? Fuck 'em. I love it. I am not ashamed to admit it. While undoubtedly a burger from Wendy's can't really compare to one from Shake Shack, I still have a soft spot in my heart for it. That said, one of my greatest guilty pleasures is McDonald's chicken McNuggets. Yes, I've seen the video of how they're made, and you know what? Don't care. They taste good. That's all that matters. When I saw the giant sign proclaiming I could get 50 for $9.99... shit was on.

SEA OF GOLDEN CHICKENS

Look at that sea of fried golden chicken paste. It is seriously an engineering marvel that they can churn out such delicious things, in the quantities they do, with almost perfect uniformity. To the man who invented the McNugget, I salute you. In any case, as I slowly made my way through my treasure chest of deep-fried poultry, dipping each piece into my vanilla shake (don't hate... it's delicious) and savoring the flavor of every bite, my world of perfect bliss quickly transformed into an insatiable rage...

Half a McNugget

(sorry for the blurry picture... my hand was shaking from the indescribable amount of anger I was feeling)

What the fuck is this McDonald's? This is not a McNugget. This is half a McNugget... if that. I realize, to you... your promise of "50 McNuggets" is really just a volumetric approximation for the container you serve them, but to me... this is breach of trust. An irreparable chasm in our relationship of some 17 odd years. How could you do this to me? In fact, the reason why this post is coming several weeks late isn't because I'm lazy, but because I had to think about how to creatively craft my fury into words. The point is this... you are dead to me now McDonald's. I will not be returning ever again. At least until St. Patrick's day, when you bring back the Shamrock shake.

17 comments:

The Poet Herself said...

Love this! <3 And who says you have to eat high brow all the time to be a "foodie" anyway? ;) May they over-count the next time you go back...because you know you will. ;)

Feisty Foodie said...

When I was in high school and had the metabolism of an entire herd of race horses, I realized on a golden day that I could purchase 20 McNuggets and just eat that. I don't know why it took me so long to realize it. In any case, I bought them at the location near-ish to home (a good 10-15 minute walk away), went home and excitedly opened up the quickly-growing-soggy container. I don't know what possessed me to count out the container - maybe I was splitting it with my brother? - but I came up 3 short. THREE. ONE TWO THREE. WHAT THE F*. I was so enraged... I can imagine on some level how angry you were.

Also, I now want McNuggets again. I hate you.

PS My "guilty pleasure" list includes liquid cheese, Cheez Doodles (Wise brand, Cheetos will suffice but are not as good), Fritos, Bugles, movie nachos (see: item #1 on this list), ketchup (not straight, though)... Hmmm. I'm sure there's other items that food snobs will scoff, but as you say: fuck'em. We eat what we like. But not the food for which that is the slogan, because I don't like them. ;)

Nicholas said...

The Poet Herself - I actually haven't been back since I went last month. Coincidence, not because of my stupid self-imposed embargo.

Feisty Foodie - LOL, I got a good laugh out of that story. First off, yeah it's true... those boxes suck at fending off moisture. I'm a 5 minute walk back and even that was too much for the cardboard to handle. Second... you should be infinitely more pissed off. Three pieces off from 20 is a full 15%. I was simply missing 1%. Proportionally (and anger is not linear) you should be 15x angrier than I was!

From your list, your guilty pleasure basically is anything that has cheese in it.

LadyGodiva7 said...

My food guilty pleasures? Meijer brand Creme Brulee ice cream. Not any other brand. Generic Meijer brand. BEST. ICECREAM. EVER. And I can say that on good authority. I've sampled many icecreams. And BBQ Beef Brisket. I could demolish more brisket than any lady should admit to.

@Nicholas - At least they give you one box! My local McD's gives us 5 boxes with 10 nuggets each. Easier to dole out and share, I suppose, but c'mon. Who really wants to share?

@FatPanda - I think McDonald's compensated me for shorting you. Last time I got the Fifty-Nugget-Feast (as I like to call it), they gave me Fifty-one Nuggets. I radiated joy for the rest of the evening. If the guilty pleasure of nuggets alone isn't enough to make you go back, you must eventually succumb to the siren song of the Shamrock Shake. It gets me every time.

And on a completely unrelated side note, I have a very dear friend I call Panda who happens to work for a college newspaper, who was extremely confused and slightly offended when I mentioned that I had recently read something by "FatPanda".

Patrick said...

do what any american would do...

SUEEEEEEEEEEEEE THEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

danny said...

they don't even sell this in new york, like seriously. 50 for $10? that is suck a steal, although i guess you could get 5 for a $1 and then get 10 orders. man, that box is awesome though.

cat song said...

LOLLL damn you MCD's! *shakes fist

Sherry said...

Whuuut? I didn't know Mickey D's offered McNuggets in 50s! They're totally my guilty pleasure too. Interesting that you dip them in vanilla shake... will have to try that next time! I used to dip Wendy's fries (best fast food fries, IMO) in frosties. That was awesome sauce, no pun intended.

Johnny said...

Lol, mcnuggets rule, i miss all the different sauces you can dip them into in america. freaking taiwan mcd and its retro 90's nuggets with only sweet and sour sauce to bathe them in

Nicholas said...

LadyGodiva7 - you know the panda and I are one and the same right? :) Anyway, I'll have to take your word on the ice cream... as I've never encountered creme brulee in any frozen variant before!

Patrick - but I don't have proof that I only received 49.5. I only have photographic proof that in my box existed a nubbin of a McNugget T_T

danny - but according to Yvo they have this deal in NYC! Maybe it's just Manhattan that got shafted.

cat song - McD's owes me. Big.

Sherry - is this really just a Philly thing? The vanilla shake thing is basically the same concept as the frosties + fries combo (although I will have to disagree and say that McD's fries are far superior) :D

Johnny - don't they call sweet and sour sauce "Chinese sauce" at MOS burger?

joanh said...

lol. you should have taken that half piece back to them and asked for a replacement. and i like mcd's mcnuggets too, with a milkshake. and their hash browns.

Johnny said...

hah, i didn't realize that MOS called it "Chinese Sauce". Now i have a new found sense of pride in our sauce and its world-wide influence to mcnuggets everywhere.

LSJ said...

You would count out 50 McNuggets wouldn't you?

Anonymous said...

McDonald's chicken McNuggets are an absolute favourite of mine. I like putting them in the quarter pounders to have an even better experience.

Have you ever attempted to order a land, sea, and air?

Nicholas said...

LSJ - yeah I would. I don't like getting ripped off. Especially not by my friend Ronald... McDonald.

Anonymous - fuck that sounds awesome. I've heard of the land, sea, air, but I've never tried ordering it for fear of embarrassment if they don't know what I'm talking about.

Victoria said...

Haha Nick! Tiff told me about this post of yours and I had to see it for myself. That "nubbin" as you called it doesn't actually look like half a nugget. I'd say maybe it's closer to a quarter of a nugget. So you got only 49.25 McNuggets. I'd demand compensation if I were you

Season Salt said...

Sadly I just found your site now. I am so behind on times that McD now even has Chicken Wings. Did you eat all 49 pieces in 1 sitting or 2?

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