Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Bibimbap burger (Social Eatz)

Bibimbap burger

In a stroke of brilliance, I'm going to capitalize on the fact that a bunch of shit is going down tomorrow in protest of SOPA - since there's nothing better to distract you from work, you might as well read my blog post. You can all eat a bag of dicks, yo. Er, I mean... Hooray?! Now that's not to say that I'm for SOPA at all, but I figure if Reddit's down, I might as well take advantage of a bad situation. Anyway, some people say that the sanctity of a burger is something that should never be tainted - people who get offended when you so much as even think of topping your patty with anything outside of cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and onions. Those people are dumbasses. What exactly does it matter what gets shoved between the buns as long as it tastes dope? The correct answer of course is - it doesn't, as is the case with the bibimbap burger at Social Eatz. While former Top Chef contestant Angela Sosa might be something of an idiot when it comes to appropriate naming of his dishes (I see no rice in my burger, how can it be 밥?), the burger is veritably sick. In a good way, not a decrepit way.

So what exactly comprises this bread and beef mountain of retarded naming convention? A ton of random shit that doesn't make sense, but ends up tasting surprisingly pleasant. Bibimbap is usually a variety of sauteed vegetables, chili paste, a fried egg, some sort of meat, and rice. Well, all those things are present in some sort of capacity... aside from the rice, and the resulting flavor profile absolutely fills my mind full of fuck. You have an unexpected beefiness from the patty, coupled with a bit of heat from the sauce, stacked with a subtle sweetness from the vegetables. Then he goes and busts a nut on top of the whole deal with a fried egg just for good measure. Do you really notice that it's there? Not really. Does it make it better? Yes. Somehow it does.

What a shitshow

Like a glorious unicorn shitting it's brains out, somehow this clusterfuck of a sandwich still tastes like a million bucks. Maybe it's the fact that I really like Asian food combined with the fact that I think burgers are pretty much the pinnacle of sandwiching technology, but I don't really care how it looks - it tastes like pure pain for my arteries and a sweet sweet erection for my taste buds.

Kung Pow Wow sandwich

Less inspired is the "Kung Pow Wow" sandwich. If it seems like this sandwich was created purely as an afterthought to fit the name, I can confirm that it pretty much tastes that way. Order kung pow chicken from any Americanized Chinese takeout joint, shove it inside a baguette, and you'll probably create something that's eerily close to this. Not that that's a bad sandwich by any stretch of the imagination, but come on bro... you're embarrassing Tom Colicchio with your lack of ingenuity. All I have to say about this is... feelsbadman.jpg. Seriously.

Goddamn... ribs

In a surprising twist, Social Eatz actually makes some pretty dope-ass ribs. Not that I can discern anything remotely fusion-y about them (maybe that's what makes them good?), their ribs are like straight crack in a conveniently stick-shaped form factor. Epic tender, that shit comes off the bone with minimal effort. What makes them palatable isn't simply the texture, the sauce is like liquid candy - with a sweetness so overwhelming that it can basically be a dessert dish. Is everyone going to like it? Probably not. Some buttholes might tell you that it's cloyingly sweet. Fuck them, and ignore the haters. Eat some dessert pork.

tl;dr - the internet will be pretty busted, so you're stuck with my idiotic rambling about fusion food. Social Eatz makes a pretty flantastic bibimbap burger. It has a stupid name, but what it lacks in sense, it makes up for in flavor and protein content. Also, sick-ass ribs.

Social Eatz
232 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022


Rodzilla said...

I'll always take your eloquently descriptive recommendations over the other guys, but apparently this burger won the Eater bro's best burger in America.

Nicholas said...

Rodzilla - it's a good burger for sure, but it's for sure not deserving of "best burger in America" unless he's only eaten 5 burgers or something.

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