Saturday, May 7, 2011

Pepperoni bread (Sarcone's Bakery)

Sarcone's sign

Remember those stupid Lunchables things from Oscar Mayer? The ones where kids could "assemble" their own lunches out of components so idiot proof that not even a dumbass could make a mess? Yeah, I'm not ashamed to admit I used to cream my pants over those things. There was one in particular that made me pop a food boner instantaneously... every time. Pepperoni Pizza. Little more than a doughy disc of cardboard like flat bread, some marinara sauce in a plastic packet, and a small package of small pepperoni pieces - it actually didn't taste great, but to my adolescent brain, that ish was the best... I thought I was basically an 8 year old Emeril Lagasse makin' some bitch ass pizza. What's the point of this stupid story about my sad/demented childhood? Sarcone's Bakery in Philadelphia serves up something called pepperoni bread. It tastes nothing like the crap that my fat stubby hands used to churn out from Lunchables.

Sarcone's has been around since 1918 when it was opened by some dude named Luigi. It has been passed down from generation to generation to generation. They are boss. Sometimes if you go too late in the afternoon (by which I mean 3 pm) there will be no bread left. If that's not proof enough of how awesome they are, then I don't know what is. Maybe a sensual photo of pepperoni stacked inside of oily bread... aw yeah.

Pepperoni bread (Sarcone's)

Fuck yeah... look at that. Pepperoni bread in all its glory. The bread itself is kind of hard to describe. Somewhat flaccid and oily on its own, it's really nothing to behold until you fill that cavity full of processed/fatty cured meats. When you get up in there with a fist full of pepperoni - then it's on. Count them stacks of pepperoni. I'll wait. You done? That shiz goes like 8 deep. I don't think Oscar Mayer even gave you 8 pieces of pepperoni - period - per box (thinking back, those things were a real ripoff). Basically... Sarcone's pepperoni bread is an oiled up giant rod of layered bread stuffed with 8 full layers of pepperoni along the entirety of the cross section. There is nothing in that equation I don't like. Oily bread... check. Pepperoni... check. It's not fancy (it probably falls under the stupidly simple category), but it gets... shit... done.

Disclaimer: I felt pretty awful after eating the entire thing for dinner, but whatever. Going in, Sarcone's pepperoni bread is more awesome than a robot ninja punching a dinosaur in the dick. How many other things can make that claim?

6 comments:

Jeff said...

What an....energetic? review of pepperoni bread. Not to say that I don't think it doesn't look awesome at all. I was completely on board the f-yeah!-salty-cured-meat-bread train, then I accidentally clicked the picture and wound up on your flickr stream...looks like it was a really long and thick rod.

After seeing the picture and re-reading this post, I'm getting a hankering for some Schweddy balls.

Rodzilla said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Punching dinosaurs in the dick is NOT cool.

Aside from that, these rolls are giving me a nostalgic vibe as well. My aunt used to make "garbage bread" for my fat fingers. Hers had a layer of cheese rolled in with the pepperoni. Tell me this Luigi bro dished out some cheese.

nevena said...

that looks so fuckin' delicious.

at the grocery store it still takes great will power to not load my cart with lunchables.

however, i wish the dinosaur was punching the robot ninja. clearly, he's just jealous that the dino even has a dick

Amy said...

This stuff is amazing. I live down the street from Sarcones so I always pick it up for parties and people go apeshit over it.

Nicholas said...

Jeff - energetic. That is what I do. I wonder if these things would be better in more of a hot pocket construction to get more pepperoni to bread ratio? Maybe, but who am I to question the brainchild of an Italian dude named Luigi.

Rodzilla - calm down calm down, I'm pretty sure dinosaurs don't even get hurt if they get punched in the groin. There's definitely no cheese in the center, but i'm tempted to say there was cheese involved in the baking of the bread. It tasted like that anyway, but I can't say with any certainty... and I'd rather not lie to you.

nevena - ha, I haven't really craved Lunchables for a while, but writing this post got me thinking about them. I don't know why I was so excited about them way back when, but I was.

Amy - I'm generally a pretty lazy person when it comes to going around Philly for new food, but Sarcone's is actually worth the trip in my mind. Sucks that they sell out so quickly everyday.

Hungry said...

I loved Lunchables. I used to bug my mom for them for class trips. I suddenly became popular when we sat down for lunch. I was cool for a moment.

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