Animal Style - long overdue (In-N-Out)

Oh my goodness. Oh my dayum, dayumm, dayummm. This is a man that feels passionately about food... and ghetto grocery bags, evidently. This is a man that loves Five Guys' so much that he would take one of their burgers to the parking lot behind a middle school and get it pregnant. This is a man that whose unhealthily arousal for Five Guys' cheeseburgers can only be rivaled by the amount of plaque building up inside his arteries. This man is a man's man, a role model, and some sort of sexual icon... to someone I guess. Aside from the fact that the video is hilarious, I've watched over and over again wondering - "when was the last time I felt this strongly about a burger... anywhere?" The short answer is never. I don't think I've ever actually creamed myself at the thought of a beef patty in between buns, but then again, I've never had a fry that bites back at me. The closest I've come in recent memory? Probably In-N-Out. Six years of burger hype in the making. Did they go "H.A.M.?"



Fuck son. They didn't just go "hard as a motherfucker," they went full retard (in a good way). While they don't deliver your food in a "ghetto grocery bag," that doesn't really diminish the experience. I'm not sure why exactly you'd want your meal to come in a crappy brown bag, but that guy probably knows something I don't. Look at how balanced that meal is. In-N-Out burger (Animal Style), fries (Animal Style), and a Neapolitan shake, which - for the record - was out of this world delicious. Weirdly enough, each of the flavors keeps perfectly distinct (if you don't stir that shit vigorously). As you sip your brain into a minor freeze, you'll hit a layer of chocolate, a layer of vanilla, and a layer of strawberry. Segregation never tasted so good.



"Get yourself a double cheeseburger" he says? That's some weak-ass shit I say. Triple-triple... minimum. Look at cheese, it's definitely oozin', but there's something more about the construction that's so mesmerizing. A well toasted plain generic bun is rather forgettable on its own, but sodomize it with a thick base of crunchy pickles, a hearty slice of tomato, minimal lettuce bullshit to get in the way, and a tower of beef cemented together with fried mustard, grilled onions, and alternating layers of cheese - holy amazeballs, the sensation is not unlike that feeling you get when taking off your pants as soon as you get home. Almost... liberating.

Something that was vaguely confusing about his review. Daym Drops claims that a weak burger is a burger "you can chew and still talk." He proceeds to describe a strong burger as a burger where "the meat just absorbs all the space and all the air possible all in your throat to the point that if you wanted to start talkin' nothin' but mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm is comin out." That's poetic as fuck, but did he just suggest that a strong burger is one that kills you by suffocation? If this is the criteria for a 'strong' burger, then sorry... you will be disappointed with the In-N-Out offerings. If you want something to dine on and talk with friends though... get this shit (if you live on the West coast).



Unfortunately, when you bite these fries, they don't bite back. Not sure why the hell you'd want violent fries to begin with, but these are pretty plain Jane. Only after a bukkake of Animal Style sauce and cheese does this serving actually get elevated into special status. If you're not an idiot like I am, you'll eat these while they're fresh. Why? Because if you take 10 minutes to photograph your food, you'll end up with a dip-shit demented wad of congealed fried potato, cheese, grilled onions, and drippy dressing. Sure, that sounds eerily appealing, but trust me - shoving a giant wad of fried starch is not as delicious as it sounds. My uncomfortable arousal quickly faded into general discomfort of the heart. Blah.

In closing, I'm not really sure what I'm trying to convey here. I started off this post thinking about foods that get me hot and bothered, and if I've ever have a weirdly sexual experience like that dude did about Five Guys'. The short boring answer is, "no." What I did come to realize is how much I enjoy In-N-Out, and how much I'm looking forward to going back. A lot of people talk about Shake Shack vs. In-N-Out, or some other burger - and basically, a lot of people need to shut the fuck up. They're all good, but what sets In-N-Out apart is the fact that it's a fast food franchise that's so goddamn delicious and consistent, and the fact that this is scalable makes me pop a proverbial mind-boner.

tl;dr - I have never been as aroused about eating a burger as the bro in that video. He gives me hope that there are great things to look forward to when it comes to food. In-N-Out is pretty much as close as I've come (that's what she said?) from eating a burger in a long time. Their burger is an engineering marvel and their business plan is some sort of black magic. I like racist shakes.

In-N-Out
All over the place in CA,
Fuck you West coast peeps.
Read more...

Sweet crispy chicken and black noodles (Jjin Jja Roo)

You know that commercial where they ask random people "what would you do for a Klondike bar?" My answer: pretty much anything just short of pummeling a third grader. Food envy. Some people have it worse than other people. I guess it's like alcoholism, but... without the social stigma and having to go to AA bit. What exactly do I mean? I'll explain. Let's say I go to Per Se. I spend a metric ass-ton of money, I have a super sick experience, and I eat what might be one of the most spectacularly extravagant meals available in NYC. All is well, I'm feeling super baller and shit, just sitting by the window enjoying my dope ass food when suddenly - A CHALLENGER APPEARS - some homeless dude walks by the window with a plate of halal lamb over rice or some shiz. At that precise moment, I don't give two fucks how sick my own meal is, I would rather have shaved lamb chunks, yellow rice, and white sauce of questionable origins all over my face. This is what food envy is - perpetual regret that I didn't get to order the other dish, regardless of what is currently in front of me. This indecision has been a curse all my life.

You know how crippling this problem is? Every time I go to McDonald's... the moment the words "combo #7, super sized" leave my lips, I can't hold back the torrent of emotions exploding and tearing me up inside. Extreme confusion and regret about the Double Cheeseburger combo meal that could've been, but wasn't. Unfortunately, there aren't any support groups out there that address this problem. Anyway, let's talk about things that are awesome to me... deep fried crispy chicken coated in sweet and sour sauce and also black bean sauce noodles a.k.a. jajangmyeon. While I have, unabashedly, ordered double entrees before simply to have both for dinner... I can't keep up this lavish lifestyle of buying two meals for myself. It's simply not sustainable... I'm not made of money! Fortunately, the peeps running Jjin Jja Roo in Food Gallery 32 understand that food envy is a serious problem, and have come up with a semi-effective way for me to get my fried chicken and sauced noodle on without breaking the bank. Enter the miracle that is... the combination bowl:



Oh lord, pants have been ruined. Now... there's no such thing as a free lunch. It's not like there are no drawbacks to this super dope combination of noodles blacker than the dark side of the moon and crispy sweet fluorescent orange chicken. You see, by giving you the combination of two fantastically awesome things, the folks at Jjin Jja Roo also gain the ability to give you the shaft by using these stupid bowls that ultimately reduce the total volume of food while simultaneously gaining the right to charge more. Does this bother me? The cheap Asian part of me wants to scream out says "yes." I really shouldn't be okay with getting less food, while paying more, simply for convenience, but the pragmatist in me thinks this is awesome in a really novel way. Sure I don't get the same amount of noodle per dollar or chicken per dollar as if I had just manned the fuck up and ordered double portions, but realistically... did I really want to eat two ginormous servings of carb and fried chicken? Wait a second... yes, I probably did. Whatever, it's still kinda awesome.



There's just one last question left not addressed - "is this actually good food? Are you seriously telling me that radioactive looking chicken tastes like poultry crack?" Okay, that's actually two questions. The answer is... kinda sorta? That's likely not what you want to hear when you're making the decision between a normal meal and bright orange chicken, but I'm also probably not the best person to ask about these things. Listen, when it comes down to it, Food Gallery 32 is a food court. Jjin Jja Roo makes sweet and sour chicken that's crispy, moderately juicy, and hot enough to sear off your taste buds. When you pair that with bean paste noodles... in a single menu item, and I'm pretty much sold regardless of how it tastes. Short answer is still yes though. Let me put it another way, when I was finished with actual chicken (and my face was covered in sauce and shame), I found myself wishing that I had an extra bowl of rice to slop up the remaining sauce. It's pretty damn good.

tl;dr - I can't make decisions to save my life. This extends to food to the extent that I frequently find myself ordering every item on McDonald's dollar menu. Jjin Jja Roo is sort of awesome in that they have these pimp combo bowls split in the center so you can get two partially sized entrees in a single meal. Also, while the chicken is disturbingly orange, I assure you it is delicious and won't give you cancer. I think.

Jjin Jja Roo (Food Gallery 32)
11 West 32nd Street, Dew York, NY 10011
Read more...

A lesson in gluttony (Food Gallery 32)

Whoever said that "too much of a good thing is a bad thing" is an absolute moron. Case in point... Korean food. There's no such thing as too much Korean food. I don't care if my stomach is on the verge of exploding, spicy rice cake doesn't get any less delicious. True story. In continuation of the "where I freeload off of Serious Eats" series (part 1 on doughnuts here), I showed up out of the blue when I heard that the SE gang was going to sample the various restaurants of Food Gallery 32. In my head I figured that a few people would go, we'd each get what we wanted to try, and we'd sit down in a small huddle and talk about our feelings... and maybe discuss the food too. What ended up happening was the greatest shit show ever.

When normal people think lunch... it's a singular dish. Maybe add in a side if you're super hungry/fat. I figured that for people whose lives revolve around food, maybe a little bit more than that was required per person. But to Ed Levine, lunch is nothing to fuck around with. As we walked from stall to stall getting "samples" from each, I started tallying the number of dishes... by the time we reached the fourth (of seven) stalls, I realized the stupidly ridiculous amount of food that was ordered. There were like eight people eating, but for some reason we ended up with about 30 items. Oh snap, shit was on. Forreals.



Just look at that awesome spread. Do you know how many tables it took for us to hold everything? Fourteen. I don't know if you've ever seen 14 tables full of Asian food before, but let me assure you... it's every bit as awesome as it sounds. Anyhoo, instead of making this post informative or something remotely useful, I'm going to hammer you with photos of random foods that I happened to like. I might even tell you where they're from... but I honestly don't really remember that much. I kind of just shoveled stuff in my mouth as I walked around the table.



Pork belly is a good start to any meal. The SE peeps got a few appetizers from Boon Sik Zip, and this was one of them. I'm pretty sure there's no way to really screw up pork and fat, so... uh, this was good? I would eat it again.



SPICY RICE CAKE. Lookit how red and seductive that is. Doesn't it just get you all hot and bothered? These were from the same place. These weren't fantastic (according to everyone else eating), but let's be real here. I am Asian. I like things made out of rice. If you roll it in some sweet and spicy sauce, I really don't have any complaints. Again, nothing out of this world, but I thought it was decent.



All was not peachy. Their soondae (blood sausage) kind of sucked. The sticky rice inside was kind of... grainy, and the outer intestinal casing was really paper-like. Top it off with the fact that blood sausage without sauce is normally bland, and basically I was completely disenchanted with this dish from bite number one. Oh well, can't win 'em all.

Then I moved onto the entrees...



I don't remember eating this, nor do I know where it's from. It's probably for the best. I spy squid or something in there. I would've been scratching for hours from allergies.



Then starts the stuff we got from O-de-ppang!. Yes, the exclamation mark is part of the name, because they're just happy to be there. I thought these were awesome when I first saw them. I mean, I like rice balls in general. When you shape them into small little hearts, it's beyond cute. Mind = blown. I was actually super amped to try these, so when I finally did... I took a massive bite. Big mistake. They're filled with tiny anchovies that are beyond salty. Despite their cute outer appearance, these things taste like crap. Crap that's encrusted with enough salt to give you hypertension. AVOID.



There was also a pork cutlet dish, served too ways. I want to say it was either from Pastel or O-de-ppang!, but I can't say with 100% certainty. Anyway, one was served with curry gravy, and the other with Kewpie mayo. God that shit is like crack. I just want to rub it all over my face in the vicinity of my mouth so I can lick it once in a while. Go ahead, judge me. As for the cutlets... I don't remembered much about them. I had like one bite of each. I wasn't revolted, so I guess they must've been okay. Plus one had Kewpie mayo... there's no way that was bad.



And some spicy pork from O-de-ppang!. Fuck, the one bad thing about eating so much freakin' food at once is that I remember virtually nothing about any of them, but I know that collectively it was awesome.



This was different though. I don't know the exact name, but we got a beef gratin dish from Pastel. You remember as a kid... when you thought that Hamburger Helper was the tits? No? Well maybe that was just me. I have fond memories of that ground beef goop + powdered sauce over noodles. Anyway, this was like Hamburger Helper gone right. They took thinly sliced beef and vegetables, mixed it with sweet and savory bulgogi sauce, melted some cheese into it, and dropped it on a bowl of rice. Holy batman was it good. This might've been one of the only dishes that was completely gone by the end of the meal.



Katsu curry from... somewhere. I remember eating a lot of this actually, but I can't remember a darned thing about it. Meh. That's pretty much all I have to say.



What Korean meal would be complete without bibimbap. This came from Hanok, and it was pretty generic average bibimbap. When it really comes down to it, it's really no more than mixed vegetables and crispy rice. Not bad, but it definitely didn't have anything that set it apart from the versions I've had in the past. They deserve bonus points for their aesthetic element though. When it first arrives, there's a paper ring that sits on the outside of the bowl cautioning that you should be careful of burns. Thoughtful right?



One of the few dishes that was actually phenomenal was the LA Galbi from Hanok. Fantastically seasoned, the beef on these ribs was the perfect blend of fatty, tendons, and just soft-to-the-bone beef. I only got to have two of these puppies, but that's only because everyone else loved them too.



It wasn't quite Black Day yet (exactly one week from now ಥ_ಥ), but I'm down with eating bean paste noodles pretty much anytime. There's something about that sweet and heavy sauce that just sits well with me. I don't even care that it makes my teeth look ridiculous for the hour after, that shit is delicious. Jin Jja Roo's version probably isn't the best around, hell... I know there's a better one at Hyo Dong Gak or Shanghai Mong across the street, but it's definitely not bad considering it's from a food court. Part of it might've been the fact that since we were all taking pictures, no one mixed the noodles until they all congealed together. PHOTOGRAPHER FAIL.



We also got some khan poong gi from there. It's basically fried chicken with a sticky sweet garlic sauce topping. Most of the people said it was just okay, but I absolutely loved it. There's just something about frying chicken and coating it with sauce that I can't resist... case in point General Tso's chicken, chili chicken, orange chicken, sesame chicken - you get the point. While everyone else was walking around the table sampling other crap, I pretty much parked myself next to the khan poong gi and went to fucking town. Killed 75% of the dish solo... super easy.

If you thought that was a buttload of food, you don't even know. After we failed to finish 50% of the food we ordered, Ed began ordering dessert crepes from the place upstairs. Yes, because what I need after stuffing my gut with rice and all that jazz is soft crepes filled with ice cream.

What's the point of this post? Nothing much, part of it is guilt that I've fallen so behind on blogging and just want to get caught up. Another part of it is just to share some Korean food porn. Most of it is just to make you guys jealous. What? My side job is awesome.
Read more...

49.5 McNuggets i.e. how McDonald's broke my heart

I'm sure this is no surprise to anyone who reads my blog with any frequency, but I'm not above eating fast food. Some food writers like to scoff at the low quality and questionable origins of fast food, but you know what? Fuck 'em. I love it. I am not ashamed to admit it. While undoubtedly a burger from Wendy's can't really compare to one from Shake Shack, I still have a soft spot in my heart for it. That said, one of my greatest guilty pleasures is McDonald's chicken McNuggets. Yes, I've seen the video of how they're made, and you know what? Don't care. They taste good. That's all that matters. When I saw the giant sign proclaiming I could get 50 for $9.99... shit was on.



Look at that sea of fried golden chicken paste. It is seriously an engineering marvel that they can churn out such delicious things, in the quantities they do, with almost perfect uniformity. To the man who invented the McNugget, I salute you. In any case, as I slowly made my way through my treasure chest of deep-fried poultry, dipping each piece into my vanilla shake (don't hate... it's delicious) and savoring the flavor of every bite, my world of perfect bliss quickly transformed into an insatiable rage...



(sorry for the blurry picture... my hand was shaking from the indescribable amount of anger I was feeling)

What the fuck is this McDonald's? This is not a McNugget. This is half a McNugget... if that. I realize, to you... your promise of "50 McNuggets" is really just a volumetric approximation for the container you serve them, but to me... this is breach of trust. An irreparable chasm in our relationship of some 17 odd years. How could you do this to me? In fact, the reason why this post is coming several weeks late isn't because I'm lazy, but because I had to think about how to creatively craft my fury into words. The point is this... you are dead to me now McDonald's. I will not be returning ever again. At least until St. Patrick's day, when you bring back the Shamrock shake.
Read more...

Short order... Five Guys

It is not good. The end. No seriously, everyone's always going on and on about how awesome the Five Guys burger is, saying shit like "Imma let you finish, but Five Guys has the best fast food burger... of all time." No. Just stop. If you're one of those people, I'd like you to take just a few seconds to stop sniffing your whiteout and honestly tell me the burger you see above looks delicious. Because you'd have to be high on something stupid if that looks good to you. Maybe Five Guys used to be something incredible, maybe it used to be better, but let's be honest, the Hamburglar probably wouldn't even want to steal the miserable thing you see above.

OH NOES, Let me run down everything that's wrong with that burger. When I was unwrapping my ball of aluminum foil, I realized that the guy making the burgers was none other than Edward Norton, hit star of such films such as "Fight Club" and "American History X." How do I know this? Because he Hulk smashed the shit out of my sandwich, transforming a spongy light bun into a ball of condensed matter. It took a lot of effort to make that photo look less pitiful than it tasted... and I'm pretty sure I still failed. It'd be great if that's where my fail-sandwich ended, but then I bit into what I think were the mushrooms. They were like tiny little rubbery erasers exploding with the taste of bland in my mouth. And then there was the cheese. I didn't think it was possible to fuck up prepackaged sliced cheese, but when you fail to melt it on a "FRESHLY MADE BURGER," something's wrong. The culmination of sadness was with the patty. It was cooked to oblivion and clearly falling apart (this might've been directly related to the Hulk's handling of my sandwich). Seriously? People get pissed off at doughnut burgers, but love this stuff?



People have also told me that Five Guys fills a cup with fries... then shovels more to fill the bag. No. That also did not happen. I had a cup of fries with maybe 10 or so spilling over into the bag. They were also kind of cold. To be fair, they would've been fantastic if they were fresh from the fryer, but alas... they were not.

Inevitably, someone will tell me that I had a bad experience, and that I should give them another try. I probably will, but first impressions count big, and Five Guys screwed up royally.
Read more...

Death of the Gobbler (and turkey bowl)

I'd like to ask for a moment of silence for the 'Turkey Odyssey' at Wawa. All good things have to come to an end. I knew that it wouldn't be around forever, I just didn't think our hot juicy passionate (and gravy laden!) affair would end so soon. To be honest I kind of took it for granted when it was around, but now that it's gone (until next year)... I realize how important it was to me. On December 12, 2010... the Wawa Gobbler met its demise, disappearing from the magical touchscreen at Wawa... replaced by a 'prime rib' sandwich. Disgusting. Prime rib from Wawa? You're just a cheap substitute, you could never replace the Gobbler in my heart.

This post actually isn't about the Gobbler. Nope, as awesome as the Gobbler was, there was something that won over my heart in the past few weeks. Along with the splendid creation known as the 'Gobbler,' the 'Turkey Odyssey' included a variety of hot turkey bowls as well. You could combo the standard turkey and gravy with your choice of stuffing, mashed potatoes, or mac and cheese. It's basically like when Chipotle lets you get burrito bowls instead of burritos... but with cheap turkey and gravy and those other things I mentioned instead. You have the option of getting cranberry sauce added on top. DO THIS (well... next year).



Aww yeah... mac and cheese from Wawa. I won't pretend that this shit is any better than cheap Easy Mac (prepared really well), but goddamn it hits the spot. It's buttery, cheesy, and all sorts of creamy (when you don't get the scoop at the end of a batch). It fills all the requisite characteristics of a decent mac and cheese, and not one bit more. When you top it with oddly processed hot turkey, a ladle of gravy, and refrigerated cranberry sauce, it evolves into a bowl of sensuality... all for $2.99. It's not that this is 'better' than the shorti roll with turkey, stuffing, and cranberry sauce... it's just different (not demented different). Paired with a buttered shorti roll for only $1.19 more, and you basically have a hobo's version of a Thanksgiving meal.

Wawa protip number 2 - If you can though, tell them to chill on the butter. Almost every time I neglected to ask for this, it tasted like someone creamed a cow onto my roll. Normally I'm all for butter, but I'm pretty sure associate 'Kevin' was trying to kill me with heart disease.
Read more...

Jimmy John's (an ode to Kevin Durant)

If you've ever spoken to me for any extended length of time, you most likely realize that I have some sort of weird obsession with Kevin Durant. Not gonna lie, that guy's a stud, no bromo. After reading Danny's post on cupcakes (see here), in which he seems to imply that KD is not currently the best player in the NBA, I was livid, and felt obliged to respond. When the debate about the 'Franchise Player' pops up, Lebron's the easy choice. He's gaudy, annoying, and yeah... he puts up big numbers, but Kevin Durant's that guy that people respect, but don't talk about as much. He does everything right, has untapped potential, keeps his mouth shut and just plays the game. In the sandwiching world... that's Jimmy John's.

For the 22 years that I've been on this earth, I had never heard about Jimmy John's, despite the fact that they have locations in a bajillion states. It wasn't until a friend of mine, who wouldn't stop praising their sandwiches, forced me to try it, and then I was absolutely hooked.



The 'Beach Club' in all its glory. For $7, it's a monstrosity of a turkey sandwich filled with guacamole, alfalfa sprouts, and all the standard fixings. While nothing about the sandwich wows you at first glance, its excellence is subtle. The bread is actually fantastically special, a french bread that's good enough to stand on its own. A firm, yet not quite crunchy, outer shell contains a matrix of fluffy innards. The only way to describe the flavor would be... delicately sweet. It's a sandwich that's fundamentally sound in all aspects.



The turkey is certainly passable, the veggies all fresh, but this is definitely a case where the overall surpasses the sum of the parts. I don't even like alfalfa sprouts or cucumbers, but in the overall equation, they were good. They made sense.



Or you can get the 'Bootlegger's Club.' A combination of roast beef with turkey and the standard lettuce, onions, and tomatoes. Like Kevin Durant, Jimmy John's isn't a one trick pony. He can shoot the lights out or penetrate like no other. A generic sandwich when it comes to fillings, but yet again it does everything correctly. It's easy to fuck up a sandwich, but to properly execute a number of different sandwiches is infinitely difficult.

Yeah it's true that Jimmy John's is a fast food establishment, but that doesn't really detract from their ability to make sandwiches. Starting with bread baked fresh daily, through wickedly well thought out flavor combinations, they're a franchise that does everything right... loads of potential, fantastic sandwiches, but not quite as well liked/known as the Subway or Quiznos of the world. Maybe it's not so flashy, but just like Kevin Durant... it's already the best in the sandwich game, I think people are just slow to accept it because there are flashier options around right now. In due time, people will realize the awesomeness of JJ's, just as they'll come to accept KD as the unanimous choice as 'The Franchise.'
Read more...

The return of the McRib

Know that feeling on Christmas morning... where you asked for some stupid toy for the past three months, waited and hoped that it'd be under the tree, then when you finally open the box and start playing with it, you realize, after 10 minutes, that it's actually a piece of crap? The McRib is exactly like that. Except instead of three months, I've waited something like 7 years, and instead of 10 minutes, the disappointment is instantaneous.

I know, I know. It's a 'rib' sandwich from McDonald's. I'm an idiot for expecting anything spectacular, period. The thing is, the last time I had this sandwich... I was 15... and really fat. It really didn't matter how it tasted, all I knew was that the idea of a rib bbq sandwich was glorious. So for the past 7 years, I've held this image of an incredible sandwich in my mind as fact, just waiting for the day of it's spectacular return... like a robot zombie Jesus sandwich of sorts.



It's not so much that the sandwich is awful. I still like it, and I've been eating plenty of them, it's just that it's impossible to live up to expectations like that. The bun is like any other McDonald's sandwich, so there's not much to complain about there. The patty on the other hand... leaves a lot to be desired. My memory is super hazy, but I always remembered it as something that was texturally similar to the inside of a McNugget, not the soft eraser brick that I found inside my sandwich. When you get over the fact that it doesn't feel anything like pork, the McRib isn't too bad. It does it's job as a glorified sauce carriage, is super cheap, and doesn't taste half awful.

I'm actually not really sure what direction this post is supposed to go in. I guess I'm kind of pissed off that my childhood memories have been effectively stomped into the ground and spat on, but at the same time, I've come to the realization that if I just adjust my expectations to McDonald's standards... the McRib is pretty decent. Enjoy it while it lasts people.
Read more...

Apple pie pizza (Pizza Hut)

A lot of people hate dessert pizzas, and a lot of people hate Pizza Hut... ergo a lot of people will hate this post. In Taiwan's Pizza Hut buffet, you pay 299 NT (~$9) to go apeshit on an assortment of pizzas. The selection is hardly ordinary, with okonomiyaki, Hawaiian pork, pepper steak, General Tso's chicken, and Korean kimchi BBQ gracing the frequently rotating menu (oh, and they serve roast chicken too!). Maybe I've become desensitized to how special some of these flavor combos are, but no, the thing that caught my eye was the synergy between apple pie filling and pan pizza crust. I present you... the apple pie pizza.

To say it's life-changing would be a lie, but to deny that it tastes good would be an injustice. To summarize all that goes on in this culinary jewel, a slightly undercooked pan pizza crust is topped with an ever so thin layer of cheese, followed by caramelized soft apple pie filling, and glazed over with a light sugar syrup, which has a delightfully cinnamon flavor. Yes, the crust is still a tad oily (as are all pan pizzas from Pizza Hut), and the apple topping might have been a shade too sweet, but it's cheesy apple pie bread... there's no way that mix of ingredients isn't 100 sorts of incredible.
Read more...

XO 黃金蝦堡 (Mos Burger)

The owner of Mos Burger must be doing speed or something, since this is the first Summer in which I've seen them come out with 3 different seasonal special burgers. The latest offering is the XO 黃金蝦堡 or 'XO golden shrimp burger,' in which you're presented with a golden patty comprised of shrimp, topped with shredded cabbage, and finished off with a healthy serving of XO sauce (read about this splendidly spicy, sweet, and delicious condiment here). True, shrimp burgers have been around for a while in Mos' history, but I've never seen XO sauce used as the complementary sauce before. Is it so magical that it fulfilled my every worldly desire?

Well... maybe that's asking too much.



Teehee, I thought the wrapper was uber clever (you can stop laughing at me now... I'm just that childish). Maybe this is something that they've always done on all their sandwiches, but I never noticed until this one. It seems Mos Burger uses stickers to identify their sandwiches so there are no mix ups. See? XO + shrimp. No confusion! Brilliant.



Oh yeah, how was the sandwich huh? While I wouldn't say that it 'completes me,' this sandwich is pretty freakin' incredible. Starting with the patty, which, if you can see, uses real shrimp (like 5 of 'em!), and ending with the bun... everything does its job, and something magical is created. The 'golden patty' is delightfully crispy (no doubt due to the use of panko breadcrumbs), and is fried on the spot, so it's guaranteed to be perfectly hot on arrival. The flavor is mild, with only a slight hint of seafood aroma to be found (so if you're into that, you'd probably be disappointed), but I'd say the combination of fish paste and shrimp is delightfully light. The XO sauce is again where this sandwich shines (hmm, I sense a recurring theme... Mos = sauce). While the sauce is probably nothing special in the grand spectrum of XO sauces, the use of slightly spicy, sweet, and tangy chili based sauce perfectly compliments the mild tones in the patty without overwhelming it. Of course, the bun... is the same as always, light and so fluffy that I'm probably gonna die. At 75 NT (~$2.40), it's not as cheap as most other places, but it's still worth a try.



I lol'd when I saw this. In Taiwan, MOS Burger calls 酸甜醬... 'Chinese Sauce.' There you have it. Definitive evidence that the Chinese invented sweet and sour dipping sauce. Fact.
Read more...

Where fried chicken meets pineapple bun

I love McDonald's in Taiwan. I really do. They have a vastly superior menu, with items such as rice bun burgers, burgers with extra layers (up to 4 on the Big Mac), and even green tea (and red bean!) McFlurries. On top of that, their lunch hours give discounts so that full meals cost as little as 79 NT ($2.25 for the double cheeseburger). God... damn. No wonder there's so many overweight kids in Taiwan nowadays. Anyway, they've been pimping their new spicy chicken leg sandwich pretty hard lately (full combo meal for 99 NT!), and shit... it's delicious as sin.

The patty is freshly fried (I would know... I burned my lip on one), has a crispy layer of spicy breading, and uses actual chicken meat. The skeptic in me wonders how McD's is turning a profit here if they're charging less for a meal than for a sandwich back in NYC. Maybe they're using steroid filled chickens on the brim of death? Maybe. Don't really care though, these sandwiches are fantastic... but that's not the point of this post.



Having just been to a bakery, I sat with my combo meal staring out the window. I realized I had a bag of freshly baked pineapple buns. Lacking a knife, my only option was to delicately pry open the still warm bun apart. I worked gingerly, trying not to break off the sugar top crust. I have oafish hands, so that didn't work out as planned. With the bun opened successfully (debatable), I began the transplant. I scraped the mayo lettuce mix over using a sacrificial french fry, then slammed the patty inside. Then you get what you see. Mmm, to be honest, it wasn't as jaw-dropping incredible as I thought it would be. You can't really taste the sweetness of the crust, since the spicy chicken is legit spicy, and it's kind of wasted in sandwich form. I guess the one thing it did improve upon was texture, since the bread is supremely elastic, pulling off in strands of buttery goodness (compared to the plain white sesame bun of course).

Point of all this? I don't really know. Don't waste pineapple buns making stupid sandwiches... and I love McDonald's in Taiwan I guess?
Read more...

Cafe de Coral (大家樂)

Only in Hong Kong... would a chicken wing and a piece of French toast qualify as a meal. On the suggestion of more than a few, I was told I had to make a trip to Cafe Coral, otherwise known as 大家樂 (Da Jia Le). As explained, Cafe Coral was basically the Asian equivalent of McDonald's. This analogy never really made sense to me, since... there are already McDonald's all over Asia, but I guess the gist of it was that they're all over the place. In any case, I didn't actually get a chance to try it during the span of my 2 days, so I was pretty ecstatic when I heard there was one in the HK airport.

I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking, but when I read the menu, all that went through my head was, French toast... good... and roast chicken wing... good. Plus they came with coffee. Uh, what's there to say about this? The toast is pretty good, nice and fluffy with a fresh buttery crust. It possessed that characteristic butter/milky taste that all Asian breads have. It comes with jam (and more butter!), but I don't think you need it... unless your life goal is to have multiple gastric bypasses. The chicken wing was just a tease. Really good sweet soy sauce lathered on top of a wing with just enough meat to make you hate the person who suggested wing over breast.



Chinese people seriously confuse me at times. In another combination that they dub a 'meal,' you get a fried chicken cutlet, a hot dog, and a butter roll. Let me summarize this for you. Cutlet = supremely oily, but oddly intoxicating (possibly from the constriction of my arteries). Hot dog... uh, just a hot dog? Ditto on the roll. I tried in vain to make a fried chicken, hot dog, butter sandwich, but it wasn't meant to be. Total price of both combo sets... 35 HKD ($4.50), and definitely a mistake. Damn, I can't believe the last thing I ate in HK was this. Oh well, I guess that's another reason to go back. To wash the sour taste of Cafe Coral out of my thoughts.

PS - maybe I'm not giving them a fair chance, they had plenty of 'normal' roast meat and rice combos. Knowing my luck, I probably just picked the 2 duds in their entire lineup.
Read more...

Potstickers from 八方雲集 (8 Upway)

If you think this looks familiar, it's probably because I wrote about 'Overseas Dragon' last year. 八方雲集 is a similar chain (akin to BK vs. McDonald's in the potsticker world). In any case, I did a pretty crappy job explaining Taiwanese potstickers last year, so I'll try to remedy that with this post.

Most people in NYC have had fried dumplings from Vanessa's, Prosperity, Northern Dumpling, or any of a number of the 5/$1 joints. They are, simply put, just wontons that get pan fried. Nothing more, nothing less. That isn't to say they aren't delicious, but that's not what I think of when I see the words '鍋貼' on a menu. Nope, the Taiwanese potsticker is an elongated wrapper that houses a thin strip of filling, most commonly pork with cabbage, but other varieties do exist (curry, kimchi, shrimp/pork, crab/pork are the others I've seen), that gets pinched in the middle, but not at the ends. They're basically like mini burritos that are open at the ends. Unlike traditional wontons which get boiled first, these go straight into a covered wok with a slight amount of water and a fair bit of oil, coming out with charring only on the flat bottom side. As a result, you end up with a string of potstickers that are conjoined in rows of fried dumpling perfection.

The 鍋貼 from '8 Upway' aren't tremendous (not unlike their brethren from across the hall), but you shouldn't expect them to be. It's basically fast food. At 4 NT per for the original pork filled ones, you can get 8/$1. At that rate of exchange, I would've been happy if they were even remotely close to what you find in NYC (and boy do they exceed that). In the end, you'd be pleasantly surprised by how good they manage to be. The skin is thick enough so that each bite is satisfying, but not so thick that it's a chore to eat. The filling is certainly tender and juicy enough, but small pieces of cartilege/tendon (or offal matter) are still present to remind you that it's a cheap street meal. Basically, don't expect the world, and enjoy the fact that you can buy 100 dumplings for $15.



I also ended up ordering a hot and sour soup because it was 25 NT. It just seemed like a good idea at the time. Asian people love drinking soup prior to eating their meal. I don't have that habit, but eh, it was pretty good. If I had to rate it, I'd say it's better than the average soup you'd get from your local delivery place, but nothing to go nuts over. In summary, fast food dumplings are good by me. As for 'Overseas Dragon' vs. '8 Upway?' I'm not entirely convinced they're not the same shop with different names (my suspicion stems from the fact that they seem to sometimes use the other store's plates).
Read more...

Hawaiian Whopper (from Burger King)

What is this creation above you? Okay, so maybe the post title gave it away, but it's indeed what Burger King tells me is a 'Hawaiian Whopper.' I don't really understand the motivation behind these seemingly random promotions, but every month, the fast food joints here serve up a new signature creation, presumably to boost sales. For some unexplainable reason, this month is Hawaii month(?). They take the classic Whopper, smother the patty with barbecue sauce, add on a measly slice of pineapple, and a layer of fried ham. I know what you're thinking... "man, that looks awful, why would you buy something like that?" Let me respond to both those questions.



This is how they advertised it. Indeed it looks much better in their photo. I suck at taking pictures, I'll admit that, but I don't think my lack of abilities morphed their gorgeous burger into that blob sitting at the top of this page. Trust me, I tried to rearrange the bits into a more manageable sandwich, but this was the best I could do. Anyway, from the ad, clearly I had high hopes for a sandwich that was flame broiled, yet had a tangy and sweet flavor. I hope that explains it. The sandwich itself is not actually all that awful. If you're okay with Whoppers, then it's exactly as I described it. Kind of sweet from the sauce, and kind of tangy from the pineapple. The rest is the generic burger you've probably come to expect from the 'King.

My opinion? Unless you have some sick obsession with BK, then you probably shouldn't feel bad if you don't get one of these before they're gone. If you're hungry, go ahead, it's really not as bad as it looks. Plus you get a free ice cream sundae to boot. Which kind of makes up for the lack of aesthetics of the burger. Yes, I like fast food soft serve (it's a guilty pleasure of mine).
Read more...

Napoli Pizza (where fried chicken meets mayonnaise)

At a chain pizza place in Taiwan called 'Napoli Pizza,' there exists such a topping combination that is fried chicken and Kewpie mayo (the 洋食黃金脆雞披薩 Popcorn Chicken Pizza). While this isn't really that special for anyone who lives in Taiwan, since they regularly see things such as abalone and octopus gracing the tops of their pies, it surely was impressive to me, since I actually make it a goal of mine to see my doctor cringe. For 299 NT (~$9... although it's often on sale for 199 NT) you get a pan pizza similar in consistency and taste to Pizza Hut's, oily, thick, and rather bread like, which is then topped with their 'popcorn chicken' and a lattice of delicately drawn on mayo. How was this abomination of a pizza?

Surprisingly good actually. Their popcorn chicken is actually nothing like what you'd get from Popeye's or KFC, but rather like chicken nugget pieces, which have an odd Japanese curry aftertaste (this was unexpected, but rather refreshing). Combined with onions, peppers, and 'black pepper' Kewpie mayo, you end up with a synergy of sweet, mild spiciness, and savory. No, it's true, this isn't a 'gourmet' offering by any means, but for ~$6-9, it's certainly edible, and definitely different than most pizza places would offer in the US. I would say it's worth trying at the very least, but then again, I'm no pizza snob. I'll eat pretty much anything with cheese, sauce, and crust.
Read more...

More from Taiwan's KFC

How right you are Colonel, you've done it again...

I know people get annoyed when I post about fast food, but I feel obligated to tell people in the US about what kind of things Asians are holding out on, like how to hold chopsticks, how to see when the sun is really bright, or this sensational new chicken sandwich. All racism aside, KFC in the US is pretty lame when it comes to sandwiches. Sure we have the 'Double Down' and an assortment of miniature 'Snackers,' but when it comes down to it, none of these offerings can constitute a full meal. Even if you ate like 8 'DDs' at once, it would be little more satisfying than having a bunch of smaller chicken cutlets laced with cheese. No, Taiwan KFC is serious business. They make meals out of their sandwiches, and they up the ante every Summer with some new stupid (debatable) variation.



Not fully understanding the thought process behind this, some Asian person thought it would be awesome (and it is) to stick a hash brown on top of the regular 卡啦巨無霸 (the spicy chicken sandwich from KFC). The original sandwich is satisfying in its own right, starting with a piece of thick white meat chicken coated in an oddly spicy, but satisfying breaded layer that measures at almost an inch thick, topped with tomato, lettuce, and a spicy mayo that's as good as it is questionable in color (fluorescent orange). For 80 NT ($2.50), they take the original sandwich, throw in a triangular hash brown on top and rename it the 雙醬卡啦巨無霸 or the 'Dual Sauce Chicken Sandwich.' A couple things, firstly, yes... it tastes pretty good. Secondly, that's a misnomer, I don't know what the second sauce is, I only found the orangish mayo present. Is it a life changing sandwich? Eh, adding a hash brown wasn't going to make a plain chicken sandwich into something of a revelation, but you know... I still feel like it's something that people in the US should know of.
Read more...