A tale of two cheesesteaks: part one (Pat's King of Steaks)

When you ask most people not native to the area where to get a good cheesesteak in Philly, two iconic names usually pop up. Pat's and Geno's. As weird as this sounds, I've lived in Philly for about six months now, and up until last week, I had never been to either. Part of that you can chalk up to laziness (okay... more like 90%), but the remainder is because a lot of people have told me that both are somewhat disappointing. All hype and no substance... kind of meh. Anyway, the original plan was to bring a couple of my friends to Paesano's, home of massive sandwiches, but when we got there, we found that their 9th street location was closed for renovations... fail. Since it was Sunday and nothing else was open, I figured we could do worse than a couple of mediocre cheesesteaks. Besides, my friends are from NYC... what do they know about cheesesteaks anyway?



There it is. Pat's King of Steaks... apparently owned by parent company Pepsi. Really nothing special, just your average triangular wedge shaped steak sandwich shop with only external seating available.



Ah yes. The sign for noobs. I've heard horror stories about the guys there being assholes to people who fuck up the ordering process. Have no fear. I'm pretty sure my Korean friend didn't follow directions, and they didn't make him go to the back of the line. Also, it was 20 degrees outside, so there was virtually no line. Yes, my anecdotal evidence is all but worthless. Moving on.



$8.50 later and there it was. Ordered wit whiz of course, the way it should be. First impression... it's yellow. It's really yellow. Disturbingly so. I like my food to be colorful like any other food blogger, but I'm not sure I like eating radioactive cheese. Upside, I gain superhuman digestive powers. Downside, I get stomach cancer. I think the latter is more likely. Still, it was windy out (have I mentioned that it was 20 degrees?) so shoving hot beef and liquid cheese in my mouth seemed like a fantastic idea to stay warm.



Oh wait! That's not how it works. More pictures first. Sorry other people who went with me whose hands were probably freezing. Documenting the internals of Pat's cheesesteak is more important than the wellbeing of your hands. Now... after eating the sandwich and reflecting on the meal for several hours, here are some thoughts I wish to share. Pat's doesn't cut up their steak very well. This might be a product of laziness, or it might be a product of how busy they are, but honestly... it works out alright. At the very least, you know it's real meat as opposed to that frozen stuff some places serve. The meat is appropriately tender and juicy, but still has the occasional lump of fat (in the good way). These pockets of fat are like textural treasures, making the beef less boring to chew (i.e. not just cow mush). As for everything else? The cheese is surprisingly mellow given how radioactive it looks, and the bread is decidedly average. Basically you have a really nondescript sandwich with a reputation it doesn't live up to. But it's fine. It's not fantastic... it's not worth $8.50... but if you said you'd kidnap my dog if I didn't eat it (the cheesesteak, not my dog), I would gladly stomach it. Yep. That's the best way I can come up with describing it.
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Yogurt pop bubbles (Harmony Bakery)

Bubble tea is something that almost every Taiwanese person holds dear to their heart, myself included. Let's be honest, we're not exactly known for much else outside of Jay Chou, so boba is basically a thing of cultural pride, a national treasure of sorts. When I read about a Chinese bakery in Philly that was making yogurt pop boba drinks, I was both curious and livid. Put chewy tapioca balls in milk tea, smoothies, whatever, and I guarantee you it'll be awesome. It's a formula that works... you don't fuck with something that works. It's like insulting millions of Chinese people by telling them that their beloved national drink of choice isn't good enough. Them's fightin' words. But like I said, I was curious. If they actually keep this "yogurt pop" nonsense on their menu, then there must be some reason right?



Apologies for the picture of a partially finished smoothie. I get that some people don't like to see photos of things that are half-eaten, but I really didn't know how else to depict the bubbles without going to such extremes. The concept is simple, you take yogurt drink (think Yakult) and put it inside thin layers of what is most likely a gelatin based skin. These are your "new and improved bubbles." They look kind of like little cream colored pearls sitting in a bed of unnaturally purple crushed ice. I realize that sounds incredible... but really, they kind of suck. Sure, the idea of stuffing yogurt drink inside bubbles is admittedly very creative, but why? I tried drinking it with an open mind, but I honestly don't see the appeal. The tartness of yogurt isn't really something I want complementing a smoothie or milk tea, and the skins end up sticking to the top of your mouth (they actually feel kind of like dead burnt skin). I generally like most drinks that have sugar in them, but this one legitimately made me sad. Failtown.

Anyway, I want to apologize to anyone who actually likes these things. Sorry. I'm sorry you've never had truly fantastic bubble tea, because it puts this to shame. If you've ever tasted a batch of perfectly cooked tapioca pearls, you'd know that they needed no such improvement.
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500°... It's a burger joint

In case you couldn't tell, 500° is a burger joint. I can't believe I never wrote about this place. I mean... technically I did, but that was for serious business, and not for pleasure. Anyway, fast-forward a couple of months and I'm still smitten with the place. Great burgers, fantastic milkshakes, and truffle fries that I'd trample senior citizens for (I'm not normally mean to old people... I swear). When a couple of my friends from NYC, who were up to no good and started making trouble in the neighborhood, showed up... I forced them to eat burgers at 1 am. And truffle fries. This post would not exist if there were no truffle fries.



Even at 1 am, the place is still surprisingly packed. Undoubtedly because it's BYOB, and you can throw a quarter in any which direction and most likely hit a bar. The fact that they keep the place clean is remarkable considering the number of drunk people wandering in at any given time. Or maybe that's more a testament to the drinking ability of the fine people in Philadelphia. I honestly don't know. In any case, the first thing that arrived was my black and white shake. It is made with Bassett's ice cream, and it is sensually thick. Yes there are two straws in there. No shame. It was split with a bro.



Always go with the "Classic." It might not be as photogenic as some other burgers, but whatever, it tastes great. I was also tempted by the "7th Degree," which is a burger in which they let you pick whatever toppings you want (which to me means all of them), but 500° makes such a fantastically delicious burger that I honestly didn't want to ruin it with my innate Asian desire to get my money's worth in toppings. Did I shame my family name? Probably. Did I enjoy my meal? Hells yeah.



Aw yeah... the real reason I went. The fries. Yes, they do offer their fries in a plain variety, as well as a spicy variety, but don't be an idiot. Get the truffle fries. They're like McDonald's fries... but better. They're crispier, fluffier, faster, stronger... basically fries on steroids. Doused with a generous helping of truffle oil, these puppies smell like heaven. If there weren't other people in the restaurant, I would've been tempted to rub them all over my jacket so I could smell like super awesome fry time. They are the cat's pajamas, the bee's knees, and all that jazz. So yeah... go there and get some fries? You're welcome.
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Grace Tavern, where I drank no beers

You know the drill, go read my post over at AHT for my attempt at unbiased burger related thoughts on Grace Tavern. If you're looking for second-rate content with minimal editing, then you're in the right place.

I'm not really a big beer drinker... or really much of a drinker at all. I tend to describe all my beers as "smooth" or "dark." It's as if I only know two adjectives to describe beer... I use no other descriptors aside from those two. Needless to say, going to places to drink is mostly a pointless endeavor for me. Will I drink? Yes. Can I discern a good stout from a can of Natty Ice? Just barely (the can is a dead giveaway). The food however is a different story. While all my friends are busy getting plastered, you can usually find me gazing deeply at the menu, contemplating whether or not I should add on an order of onion rings or an order of sizzling fajitas. Good thing Grace Tavern kicks ass at making burgers.



The Grace Burger was one of the best pub burgers I've had in Philadelphia. They don't really screw around with tradition, they just melt a goopy layer of Swiss cheese on top, then top it with some lettuce and tomatoes. Then they sandwich it between a bun. An awesome bun. A bun that's brushed with oil, because oil makes everything better, especially bread. Win. I like oily buns and I cannot lie. You other fat kids can't deny. The only thing that was weird was how pungent and crunchy the onions were. Those onions were some crunchy sons of bitches. Either way, their standard cheeseburger is something worth having again, even if I have to pay for it the next time!



Look at all that yellow. It's like a cautionary tale of heartburn, narrated by melted cheese. It's pretty much the same burger, but without healthy stuff like lettuce, onions, and tomatoes. Meat, cheese, mushrooms... that's all there is to this burger. I know what you're thinking, "but wait, aren't mushrooms are healthy?!" No. Not the way they cook them. They're sautéed in a buttload of oil. Because oil makes everything better, especially when your sautéing the crap out of mushrooms. Once again, the bun is grilled and lathered up with a thin layer of oil, resulting in a super rich and hearty burger from the first to the last bite. I think I might've actually like this better than the classic cheeseburger... but I was also alternating bites between the two, so who knows?

Anyway, Grace Tavern makes some bitchin' burgers. They're good enough where I don't feel like an absolute moron if I go there just for the food. Although I probably should. I'm pretty sure the bartenders aren't too enamored with me staying sober.
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